A Certain Level of Luckiness 2015

by Ric Seaberg

Released 2015
Madison Pond
Released 2015
Madison Pond
Heartfelt, full of love, sometimes funny songs from rocker and vet songwriter Ric Seaberg!
  • 03:51 Lyrics
    A Certain Level of Luckiness

     

    When I met you, I was a broke down broken hearted middle age man

    I thought to get you, that I needed somethin better than an average plan

    But when I realized I didn't need a plan and you were gonna love me for who I am

    That's when I traded my schmuckiness, for a certain level of luckiness

     

    When I met you, I was a sad sack broken hearted lonely man

    I thought to get you, well It might not be enough that I was in a band

    But when I realized love was overdue and that you needed me jus like I needed you

    That's when lightning struck I guess, and a certain level of luckiness

     

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    And now the years have come and gone but I know I can carry-on

    Since you love me and you don't care, about those bald spots in my hair!

     

    When I met you, I told a story of bad love goin’ wrong

    And then I let you, know everything about me since I was born

    And that's the way love oughta be...It's like I won the lottery

    And drove away my loneliness, with a certain level of luckiness

     

    Yeah with a certain level of luckiness

     

    With a certain level of a'luckiness out

  • 04:58 Lyrics
    You Can't Force It

    Don’t get out of hand now.. you don’ understand how

    Certain elements of your life work

    You don’t have to grok it,  in fact that may block it

    And then you’re out in the cold cold cold

    You can just float along and go where you are going

    Accept the fact there are things in life you wont be knowing

     

    You can’t force it, to change course - it won’t do what you want 

    If you push it along - it’ll only make you the fool

    You can't force it, to change course - it won’t do what you want 

    If you push it along - it’ll only make you the fool

     

    Once, I was a soldier, and I fought fer...an endless war

    Each day was a battlefield, and I could never yield

    I was so sure

    I marched so firm in boots of steel on a road so straight and narrow  

    until I heard a beautiful song that sounded like a Christmas carol

     

    and it went 

    You can’t force it, to change course - it won’t do what you want 

    If you push it along - it’ll only make you the fool

    You can't force it, to change course - it won’t do what you want 

    If you push it along - it’ll only make you the fool

        

  • 04:01 Lyrics
    Find It in That

    These days fly by
    And the details are scarce
    I keep my pillow dry
    Most of the time
    I can't be held responsible
    For the list of things I don't recall
    There's only so much room in my skull
    Jus’ so much room

    My mind plays tricks
    I could’a sworn I brought a coat
    Now I'm in the mix
    With a cold, cold heart
    I’m off to see the wizard who
    Has holed up in a cozy room
    Googling the whole night through
    The whole whole night

    What are you looking for
    I don't think you'll find it in that
    Find it in that

    Just say yes
    Say it over and over again
    ‘Til the bones in your chest
    Are shaking with fear
    It’s easier to fix the leak
    When efficiency is at it's peak
    The thoughts you think and words you speak
    The words words words

    Mistletoe
    And balls of holly up
    Will make you go
    Straight to the source
    Well I'll be damned if I can glean
    A meaning that remotely seems
    Like anything excep’ between
    Excep’ between

  • 04:35 Download Lyrics
    Asleep in My Heart

    He was a lazy boy, and man he could eat

    I could always feel him staring at me when it was time for a treat

    Come on dad let's go for a walk 

    And while we're walking you can talk

    Let me in on all your plans

    And tell me what a good boy I am

     

    Chorus

    Oh my dog didn't die, he just fell asleep

    Kinda like he used to do at my feet

    And when I think of the love he gave

    Oh I still hear his bark

    And so my dog he did not die

    He jus' fell asleep in my heart

     

    He always told the mailman 

    "Let me make this clear

    We don' want no packages

    You get outa here"

    And though I miss his little head falling on my chest

    Oh there's a better place for him 

    Somewhere he can rest… 

     

    Chorus

    Solo

     

    He sure always loved to stand

    Next t'me inside a'my van

    We still share the scenery

    Cause he's at peace inside of me

     

    Chorus, out

     

  • 04:30 Download Lyrics
    My Home Now

    It was a rainy day on Shilshole Bay, I was working at The Boathouse

    Singing folksongs there 

    That's when I got my call to start a bakery on the back roads of Oregon 

    Near Portland town

     

    It was my Silver City ...it was rainy and windy 

    It was foggy and cold on Puget Sound 

    You get used to the weather and the summers are awesome 

    And you can still plant dahlias...they grow like the weeds

     

    Portland changed my life y’know, I bought a house in Rivergrove

    And I started up that bakery by the sweat of my brow

    And tho I longed for those Seattle days where Griffey and Martinez played 

    I said I've got two kids and bills to pay ...this is my home now

     

    I could feel the chill on Queen Anne hill when we used to visit Susan there

    Above the bay

    It was "81" and we sure had fun, rooting for the Seahawks... in the old Kingdome

     

    The sky was claimed by Boeing planes, I could see them through the windshield

    Of my old Vee Dub

    And I drove that car, near and far

    And finally down the 5 to Portlandia

     

    Portland changed my life for good and that was 30 years ago

    But I still miss Seattle from time to time

    My children landed 'neath the skies where coffee's prized and Jimi lies

    But me, I come from Portland, this is my home now

     

  • 03:48 Lyrics
    A Little More Memphis

    I want a jungle room an' a plate o ribs

    with barbecue sauce all over my bib

    I want a big estate with a pretty lawn 

    And sheets fulla sweat till the break of dawn

    I want to live by myself live like The King 

    with my Elvis shrine for the Reverend Green

    Well it won't be home but it will be this....

    Jus' a little more Memphis

     

    I'm gonna ride into town in a Cadillac

    With my top down baby and my troops in the back

    I got a fender bass and an ol' guitar

    Hangin outa the trunk  o'that Cadillac car

    We're gonna play some blues...... stay up all night

    Drinkin' wine from a bottle til the mornin' light 

    Well it won't be hot but it will be this....

    Jus' a little more Memphis 

     

    Bridge

    Well the only way you're gonna to sweat till dawn 

    In Portland town is with the heater on

    Well there's plenty of ribs

    And sweet tea maybe

    When you're hangin' around at the food carts baby

     

    Solo

    I wear my shorts everyday even when it rains

    With my Grizzlies shirt at the Blazer games

    They got a catfish sandwich that I love to eat

    Up on the way t’my nosebleed seat

    There's an ol' stern wheeler on the river here

    With a big brass band and some local beer

    But what I really want when I reminisce.......

    Is jus' a little more Memphis

    Yeah jus' a little more Memphis 

    Yeah jus’ a little more.....

  • 03:51 Lyrics
    It's Real


    We're all just children pretending to be adults
    We're all just monkey's expecting results
    Don't let anybody see that you don't know what you're doing
    Don't let anybody know how vulnerable you feel

    It's real
    It's real
    The storm and the sun and you're the only one
    Who can feel
    What you feel
    The arctic mountains in your heart
    Are real

    There's pain in my chest and he won't go away
    He's my best friend, he sits silently
    Until I hear him whisper
    But I don't wanna listen
    But the more I don't acknowledge him
    The more my heart pounds like a piston

    It's real
    It's real
    The storm and the sun and you're the only one
    Who can feel
    What you feel
    The arctic mountains in your heart
    Are real

    I am an animal, I scream and shout
    Crack me open and pour me out
    I can fill the universe
    With the freezing cold of winter
    I'm good at keeping it complicated
    but You can make it simpler 

     

    chorus

  • 03:20 Download Lyrics
    Epic Staycation

     

    We're gonna cruise by costco to buy some wine

    We're gonna party like it's 1999

    No packin! We're slackin! That ain' a crime

    We're gonna stay right here this time

    No trailer hitchin' or flyin' abroad

    No babysittin' or boardin' the dogs

    No campin' supplies, no gathering gear

    We've been waitin' for this trip all year!!

     

    Cuz it's the epic......staycation

    Yeah it's the epic........epic staycation 

     

    There's lots of attractions that I'm writin' down

    Like 3 new breweries in our own home town

    When we leave town with a credit card

    We never see great stuff in our own backyard

    So let's make a list, of things we can do, 

    It's been 10 long  years since we've been to the zoo

    Drive into Seattle! This is our place!

    And when were done with that

    We can stare into space!!!!

    Cuz it's the Epic......Staycation  etc

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    OH light up the barby

    We're havin a ball

    And there's a big ass tv up on the wall!!

    cuz it's the Epic.... Staycation etc

    Background singers: 

    Staying' right here cuz that's where we wanna be

    Stayin' right here cuz we like the scenery

    Staying' home now, we're staying home this year.......

    2 Choruses, out

     

  • 03:52 Lyrics
    LA Only At Night

    I lived in LA  but I don’t anymore
    You're on the freeway, you gotta drive everywhere
    Got out of LA and I went to New York
    I lived in LA, I don't live in LA anymore

    LA was a desert A hundred years ago
    Cactci and shrubbery and sand and some lizards
    Humans came along heads full of ideas
    Water and magic engineers and wizards

    I only love LA from above
    LA's only right for me when it's night
    LA's only right

    I crashed in the north I landed in Koreatown
    Did a stint in Los Feliz And back up the 5
    Bills piled up The collectors were hounding me
    I'm lucky that I even got out alive

    I remember the day I rolled into town
    Car full of stuff heart full of ambition
    It wasn't long till I was struck down
    Wool over my eyes I lost sight of my mission 

     

    chorus, first verse, out

  • 04:23 Download Story Lyrics
    God Bless the Angry

    God bless the angry, they got a fight on their hands

    They got those lines in their faces, from all those Gods and damns

    And God bless the bullies, cuz when they kick your ass

    That's not diplomatic...n’that's not showing class

     

    And God bless the people who always throw a fist

    They don't know how to talk it out when something gets them pissed

    It’s hard for them to love and it is hard for them to live

    So God bless the angry and argumentative

     

    Solo

     

    God bless the angry, when they're in your space

    With a look of rage and anger, covering their face

    And God bless the mean girls not knowing what to say

    And always saying nothing to help you on your way

     

     And God bless the people who always throw a fist

     They don't know how to talk it out when something gets them pissed

     It’s hard for them to love and it is hard for them to live

     So God bless the angry and argumentative

     

    And God bless the angry.... cuz when they scream and yell

    They're jus demonstrating their private little hell

    It's hard for them to love and it is hard for them to live

    God bless the angry and argumentative

     

  • 04:15 Lyrics
    I'm Jus' Happy

    I'm not saying my heart has never been broken

    I'm not saying I haven't climbed just to fall

    I'm not saying financial disaster's for somebody else not me

    But that's in the past and I'm just happy that's all

     

    I'm not saying my mother and father didn't make a few mistakes

    And I'm not saying my teenage years weren't kind of a long haul

    And I'm not saying that disappointment has not befallen me but that's in the past and I'm just happy that's all

     

    Chorus

    I'm just happy that's all just saying that I'm just happy that's all

    Sometimes there's a spell when I feel like hell 

    N'then I hit the wall

    But I'm just happy that's all

    Yeah I'm jus happy that's all

    When I fell apart

    You mended my heart 

    N' I'm jus happy that's all

    Solo

    Bridge

    I feel bad for folks who cannot rise outa the hole

    I want to be someone to help those people be whole

     

     

    I'm not sayin that I didn't cry, last summer

    When somebody stole my guitar right outa the hall

    And I'm not saying I haven't said many hurtful things myself 

    But that's in the past and I'm just happy that's all

     

    You help me remain

    Free from yesterday's pain

    N' I'm jus' happy that's all

    Chorus

  • 03:52 Lyrics
    I Don't Drive

    I don’ drive at all that’s the secret to life

    I don’ drive a car,  no I jus’ ride a bike!

    I don’ pay insurance, n’don’ pay for gas

    I don' buy big tires that aren't gonna last

    When I’m in the saddle i’m flyin’ first class cuz 

    I don’t drive

     

    Now it can be tough not driving at all

    It’s hard to play golf or to get to the mall

    Well even in winter I’m ridin' in shorts

    With bicycle socks, for extra support

    Cuz when you’re in Portland that’s par for the course

    yeah I dont drive

     

    bridge

    I get a lot more done cuz I dont drive

    I have a lot more fun since I dont drive

     

    I hit the bodega when I’m on the street

    Don’ drive to the market for tofu n’ beets

    No ozone depletion from an oversize bomb

    I can’t haul a table or coconut palm

    So I make my order with Costco.com

    since I dont drive

     

    Solo

    Bridge 2

     

    And when I move on hope my tombstone will say

    Oh I did my best not to drive everyday

    A nice eco-friendly peddle’n guy

    And you’ll see my name there, when you’re walkin’ by

    I don’t drive

     

  • 03:49 Download Lyrics
    No Tool for That

     

    I need a half inch router and a three-ton jack

    I need a rear tine tiller and a wet dry vac

    I want a gas line trimmer for the locoweed

    I need a cordless sander with a warrantee but I..

    Don't need this broken heart

    That only time will mend

    I can …fix almost anything

    But when love turns its back

    They don't make a tool for that

     

    I need a dust collector and a laser stand

    I need a broadcast spreader for the nitrogen 

    I want a biscuit cutter to repair the porch

    I need a nail compressor and a propane torch but I

    Don’ need this broken heart

     

    Solo

     

    I need a joiner/planer and a socket wrench

    I need a post hole digger to install the fence

    I want a jet stream washer and a doweling jig

    I'll take a generator with a welding rig but I

     

    Don't need this broken heart

    That only love can mend

    I can… fix almost anything

    And I'd bring her sweet love back…

    But they don't make a tool for that..

    No they don't make a tool…..don’ make a tool for that

  • 05:24 Lyrics
    The Turning of the Tide

    I was lost, and depressed
    My life was a mess
    Out to sea, out to lunch
    Out looking for love
    Without gettin touched
    But you walked by and caught my glance
    And then we started talkin plants
    Roses hate wet feet you know
    But they still need some water tho

    Here comes the turning of the tide
    I could feel the tide rollin in
    I could feel the joy in my heart
    And the goose bumps on my skin
    Here comes the turning of the tide
    And there goes my broken heart
    Somebody finally on my side
    Here comes the turning of the tide

    Holy crap, this is fun
    Maybe I get to love someone
    Here and now, I am free
    Because I feel it washing over me
    And if you'll share your heart with me
    I will love you loyally
    Help you prune you black bamboo
    And irrigate your garden too

    Chorus
    Solo
    Bridge
    I know it's coming, rushing in
    Honey! Where've you been!!??

    Here comes the turning of the tide
    I can feel the tide rollin in
    I can feel the joy in my heart
    And the goose bumps on my skin
    Here comes the turning of the tide
    And there goes my broken heart
    Somebody finally on my side
    Here comes the turning of the tide

  • 04:56 Lyrics
    We Talk About Cars

    The girls in the book group talk about feelings
    Politics and government, ethical dilemmas
    The girls in the book group talk about details
    Character development, dieting and travel
    Personal revelations, how they got their hair cut
    Tom and Patty's marriage, and Sally's romance
    But over in the driveway, just before football
    The boys are sorta pensive, and if and when we talk….

    (Chorus)
    We talk about cars, some about fishin'
    Gettin' more mileage from a manual transmission
    Cars!…To make the connection…we talk about cars!

    The girls in the book group talk about issues
    Worries on the homefront, what would make you happy?
    The girls in the book group talk about children
    Other people's problems, jobs and global warming
    Obsessive and compulsive model train enthusiasts
    Oprah's new selection and Niki's new boss
    But over in the brew pub, sippin' up micros
    The boys are kinda quiet, But if and when we talk….

    We talk about cars! All across the nation
    How your plugs are firin' is useful information
    Cars!… To make the connection, we talk about cars!

    (Solo)
    (Bridge)

    We like to bond over bondo, it isn't right or wrong
    We share a common language, that's how we get along!

    The girls in the book group read between the crow's feet
    Searchin' for the meaning and shedding a tear
    The girls in the book group talk about lifestyle
    And choices people make about the way they live
    Arrogant and disgusting SUV drivers
    Menopausal moments and when to retire
    But over by the big screen snackin' on nachos
    There's no conversation but if and when we talk….

    We talk about cars! Anna Kournikova
    Stickin' new wheels on the 66 Nova
    Cars! To make the connection….
    We talk about….
    We talk about cars!! (repeat, fade)

     

     

  • 04:05 Lyrics
    Understood

    When I die don' google me

    Don' try t'find my diary

    Don't ever wonder what turned me on

    An' don' try to read it into my songs

     

    Don't call my children and ask what I thought

    Don't tear my poetry down from the top

    You know I'd like to be nonchalant

    But this is what I want

     

    I want to be understood, 

    understood, understood

    I want to be understood, understood In my own time

     

    When you say you need time alone

    That's all I ever need t'know

    If you call me with fear and doubt

    We can always talk it out

     

    Everybody needs to whine a bit

    Sometimes the shoe don't fit

    Sometimes ya feel so blue

    And that's when I will listen to you

    Chorus (You want to be understood etc)

    Solo

    Communication is preferred

    Everybody wants to be heard

    No hazy mirrors or smoke

    Let's not wait til after we croak

    Chorus (We want to be understood etc)

    Repeat out

     

  • 04:17 Lyrics
    Teenage Possum

    I tried to get a little sleep.....I tried to get a little shut eye

    I wasn't sleeping very deep....There was something in my mind's eye

    It had a little toothy grin....Somehow I can't forget it's face

    Cuz when I went to settle down I found instead a teenage possum on my bed

     

    There was a teenage possum on my bed.....A teenage possum is what I said

    It coulda landed in the woods instead...Some doggy put a teenage possum on my bed

     

    And when I saw him lying there....Playing possum with his tousled hair

    I thought I mighta seen his eyes blink...That's when I left to get a drink

    I peeked again with my lemonade.....With hope the little guy had strayed

    But he was lying on the bed we'd made.....And everybody was a little bit dismayed

    Chorus

     

     

    I went outside to get some air...Picked out a shovel in my shed

    I found one member of our group was ill.....She'd never seen a dead marsupial

    I guess our little poodle found......That adolescent on the ground 

    Not everybody gets to brag....they had a possum on their bag

     

    Chorus then

    There was a teenage possum by my stuff...Some people think that I am kinda tough

    But I have not forgotten it as yet – that time we had a teenage possum on the bed

  • 03:16 Lyrics
    The Fuller Brush Man

    Oh the Fuller Brush Man used to come to our house in the summer

    He’d appear on the step as the Fuller Brush rep after dinner 

    Mom would open the door and sequester the pets

    Man the Fuller Brush Man smelled like cigarettes

    When the Fuller Brush Man with his suitcase in hand came in summer

     

    Man that suitcase was cool. It was loaded with brushes and shoehorns 

    There were cleaners and stuff, red ones

    And brown ones and blue ones

    Well my sisters came down and with big open eyes

    Got a nice new toothbrush just their size

    When the Fuller Brush Man with his suitcase in hand gave them new ones 

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    Our mom bought a broom for sweeping the room 

    And my dad bought some razors and hand cream

    Well I got a hairbrush and here is the lore

    It spent 35 years in my sock drawer 

     

    When the Fuller Brush Man used to come to our house in the summer

    When the doorbell would ring there was no single thing that was funner

    Well I miss my mom and my dad that's f’shore

    And the Fuller Brush Man when he walked through that door

    When the Fuller Brush Man used to come to our house in the summer

     

  • 03:18 Lyrics
    Grudge

    Wish I was better at holding a grudge

    Like angry people do

    We'd never speak or drink some beers

    And that would last for thirty years 

    Cuz when you broke my heart today

    And did not fix it right away

    C'mon darlin’ be the judge

    Does that not require a grudge?

     

    Wish I was better at holding a grudge

    Instead of letting go

    Jimmy got mad in ‘93

    And he still holds a grudge on me

    Cuz when I wake up to the sun

    I just want to love someone

    But Jimmy does not want to budge

    Jim knows how to hold a grudge!

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    I believed your love was true

    But now ya tell me we are through

    Maybe I won't feel so blue

    And hold a long term grudge on you

     

    Wish I was better at holding a grudge

    Yeah that would take some guts

    Keep a little more hate in my heart 

    And think forgiveness sucks

    Cuz when you gave your ring to me

    That caused me such misery

    But since I once gave you my love

    I just cannot hold a grudge

  • 03:30 Download Lyrics
    Brooding, Mysterious Man

    I could be so pensive and talk a lot less

    What's on my mind, ya just have to guess

    I would answer your questions but not volunteer

    How I feel about you or anything dear

     

    Chorus

    I wish I was a brooding mysterious man

    With eyes made of the darkest coal

    Oh I'd be strong and lean and tan

    If I was a brooding mysterious man

     

    Brooding mysterious men work out

    So they can look good when they start to pout

    Always quiet, never shout

    So people would wonder what I'm thinkin' about

    Chorus 

    Solo

     

    Jims and Tims and Micks and Rics

    Brooding mysterious men get chicks

    But I already have a spouse

    Watchin' me brood all over the house

     

    Cuz now I am a brooding mysterious man

    Yes I have got the darkest soul

    And she's become my biggest fan

    Now that I'm a brooding mysterious man!

     

     

     

    Outro includes:

    That’s what I’m like, I’m so mysterious

    A mystery man, I’m so serious!

  • 03:36 Lyrics
    Fix My Car

     

    I could feel that car was starting to lug

    Drivin' to Spokane in a V dub bug

    I was 20 years old and I made a mistake

    When I pulled onto the shoulder by Moses Lake

     

    Well some people tried to pull me with their Mitsubishis 

    But I was stuck in the mud by some invasive species

    Then a tow truck came with a hitchin' bar

    And pulled me into town so they could fix my car!

     

    Fix my car! So I can entertain

    We need t'make the gig in Couer D'Alene

    If it takes all night to say au revoir

    That'll be alright but just fix my car!

     

    Solo

    Then a dude in a truck that was caramel brown

    Said he heard that we were stranded in his one horse town

    His name was David Dills, he didn't have a spouse

    So we crashed on the floor in his ranch style house

     

    Well david played piano with a lot of pride 

    Three Dog Night and Hitchin' a Ride 

    I spent a sleepless night with my old guitar

    Jus hopin and prayin they could fix my car

     

    Fix my car! For The Morning Reign

    We need t'make the gig in Couer D'Alene 

    If it takes all night to say au revoir

    That'll be alright but just fix my car

     

    Fix my car, Danny and Reece

    With a few new parts and some elbow grease 

    Well it took all night and it was very bizarre

    But we were back on the road since they fixed my car!

     

    Au Revoir Moses Lake!!!!

  • 05:06 Story
    Good Lovin'
  • 03:05 Download Lyrics
    Give More

     

    There's an angel on your shoulder

    Right on your left 

    Tellin’ you t give more,

    more that you get

    It's not about you 

    It's about how you live

    And peace will be yours

    When you learn to give

     

    When you're in traffic

    Do you say the word

    And if your not cussin’

    You're flippin' the bird

    Faith and forgiveness

    Leaves anger behind

    And peace will be yours

    When you learn to be kind

     

    Chorus

    Cuz when you give more

    That's when you start

    You give more... but you fill up your heart

    That's when your life will be better I bet

    When you give more, more than you get

    Solo

    Bridge 

    Everyone has trouble, pain and regret

    Now is the time to give..... more than you get!

    Chorus

     

  • 03:55 Lyrics
    Change Is Good

    I got a chipped front tooth from biting my nails
    I don't have any cavities though
    A soft breeze blowin’, wind for my sails
    Smells like something new
    There's a study that says nostalgia’s good for you
    It can make you less stressed, bored and lonely
    If that's true I’m’a doin’ all right
    Cause las’ week is the good 'ol days to me!

    And change is good, but change is hard
    An empty room catches you off guard 

    The mindfulness of impermanence
    Won’t take the sting away
    And change is good, but it comes so quick
    And you rebuild things brick by brick
    But the sun beats down and you want things to stay the way they were

     

    Solo, bridge

     

    Caught between the place where I'm supposed to be and where I'm going
    This heavy lifting bumming me out I am always throwing
    Out my back with all this growing.......

    My hair grows quick
    My beard grows quicker
    My widows peak gets higher n’higher
    I don't have time, but when I do
    I wanna play video games
    There's a study that says nostalgia’s good for you
    It can make you less stressed, bored and lonely
    If that's true I'm’a doin’ all right
    Cause las’ week is the good 'ol days to me!

     

    Chorus 2x out

  • 04:01 Lyrics
    The Closet

    Get me some Tylenol

    I need some envelopes

    See if there's any of

    Those little Ivory soaps

    Maybe some packets of

    Coffee I can perk

    When you're stocking up

    From the closet at work

     

    Oh the closet at work has a sign on the door

    That says "Office Supplies" but it's really a store

    Yeah the closet at work is there to abuse

    Cuz there's boxes and boxes 

    Of stuff I can use

     

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    I haven't bought a ream of paper in a long long time

    Lozenges or tissue since "99"

    Aspirin, Excedrin, n'other pills

    Which leaves a little left so I can pay my bills!

     

    I had a coughing spell

    Opened the closet where

    Oh I noticed that the cupboard was a little bare

    So I told my boss, n’that's when he made it clear

    He's makin’ me "Employee of the Year"

     

    Oh the closet at work has a sign on the door

    That says "Office Supplies" but it's really a store

    Yeah the closet at work is nearly ideal

    Cuz there's boxes and boxes 

    Of stuff I can steal

     

    Got me some Tylenol

    I got me some envelopes

    And I found a few of those itty bitty Ivory soaps

    I loaded up on packets of

    Coffee I can perk

    When I was stocking up

    From the closet at work!

  • 03:39 Lyrics
    Happy News

    I broke my toe when I kicked my bed. Turned around and hit my head

    I saw stars and a purple haze. It's been one of those days

     

    I do believe there’s old yogurts in

    The very back of the fridge again

    I'd do my errands and go to town

    Too bad my car's broke down

     

    Rise

    Oh everything is rosy.. NOT.. I'd say. The sun is out but the sky is grey

    Maybe I'll go online and see, if anyone's got good news for me...

    Chorus

    Who's got happy news today, who's got happy news

    Who's got happy news today 

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    I feel so old, not energetic, full of remorse..... kinda pathetic

    I’m worried I might become alcoholic. I'm livin’ in the past cuz I'm melancholic

     

     

    Oh all of clothes are out dated. My 60 inch screen is pixelated

    I try to be calm, not a doubter, but I'm pretty damn sure something's wrong with my router

     

    Oh everything is rosy.. NOT.. I'd say. The sun is out but the sky is grey

    Maybe I'll go online and see, if anyone's got good news for me...

    Chorus

    Who's got happy news today, who's got happy news

    Who's got happy news today 

     

  • 03:49 Lyrics
    Tears in My Cornflakes

    Steve Hartman is a journalist, reporting at large for CBS 

    And when I see his stories, I know that I.....will probably cry

    Today I saw a YouTube video, a basketball team in El Paso

    A disabled boy was on the floor, and they passed him the ball so he could score

     

    Now there's tears in my cornflakes, I'm turnin’ it loose

    Tears on my spoon and in my juice, 

    Tears in my cornflakes, tears on my pen

    Tears in my cereal ....again

     

    Oh I'm a big ball baby with a capital B,  Emotional wreck when I watch TV

    When I see a story, my tears are pending, Until I see that happy ending

    The music swells and they find out, 

    That some nice people built'em a house

    Then it's time to rock 'n' roll, 

    While I contaminate my bowl

     

    Chorus

    Bridge

    Steve Hartman, you are a pro.....I just rare back, and let it go

    Your stories are good, and so is the telling 

    But the kindness is just overwhelming

     

    Chorus out

     

  • 03:31 Lyrics
    The Photic Sneeze Response

    I've got the photic sneeze response cause when I look at the sun,

    I start to get a little tickle and then I feel a sneeze comin’ on

     

    My girl doesn't like it, she doesn't like that sound

    And that's when I hear her shout it, like I can do something about it

     

     

    Quit lookin at the sun, quit lookin at the god damn sun

    Quit sneezin hon, quit lookin at the sun 

     

    The sneeze response is also known as the atchoo syndrome

    When you look at bright light you just start sneezing 

    But the sound is apparently not that pleasing

     

    My girl doesn't like it, she doesn't like that sound

    Cause when I sneeze in my automobile

    That's when she tells me how she feels

    Chorus

     

    My girl doesn't like it, she doesn't like that sound

    About the condition little is known.....a condition she will not condone!

     

    Chorus 2x out

  • 03:52 Lyrics
    Pompous Ass By Circumstance

    He was born into wealth in a city down south, 

    With a nice gold plated silver spoon in his mouth

    Every toy in the book pretty much unused 

    And he spent a lot of time with this rich kid troops

    He was a millionaire by twenty nine 

    With all that old money coming down the line

    So you can't really blame him, he didn't have a chance

    He was bound to become.....

    A pompous ass ........

    by circumstance

     

    He wore his little blue blazer to the grade school annex 

    Where his parents had enrolled him in reading dynamics

    He was six and he could barely reach the urinal 

    but he could read with speed the Wall Street Journal (Jourinal)

    While other kids played baseball Instead

    He was tradin' online from his big boy bed

    He went to fancy schools and all kinds of camps 

    And so he became.... a pompous ass by circumstance

     

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    On the date he could drink, at 21 years 

    He sent back the wine with the waiter in tears

     

    He drove a Maserati to the high school prom

    He took Brenda and Linda cause they were the bomb

    He drove his daddy's yacht and once while starboard 

    Had decided that he was going to go to Harvard

    He partied hard at college, and then when he failed

    He got a foot in the door down the block at Yale 

    He's got a trophy wife and a house in France

    He is a.....

    Pompous ass by circumstance

     

     

    ad libs, out

NOTES
Born in Chicago. Where the weak are killed and eaten. Wound up in Portland, Oregon when my folks grew weary of summers and winters in The Windy City. Raised in Portland. Willamette University. 5 years as lead singer of The Morning Reign. Married at 19. Two children by age 23. Opened a bakery at age 27, Richard's Bakery in Tualatin,Oregon. Opened second bakery at 37, Favourites Bakery in Portland. Bought the building my bakery was in in 1995. Retired, remarried (and became a step-dad!), cranked out 10 full length CDs from 2000-2015. "We Talk About Cars", originally recorded in 2001, found it's way onto a CD produced by NPR's "CarTalk", and has been featured on radio all over the world. An updated version of "We Talk About Cars" finds new life on "A Certain Level of Luckiness". Worked as a handyman for about 10 years. Have been writing songs and recording in some way for most of my life. Thanks for purchasing my tunes!

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