Consciousness

by Ric Seaberg

Released 2012
Released 2012
Vet songwriter Ric Seaberg offers up 20 more edgy tunes, teeming with humor and.... Shellfish. Bully. Taro. Vertigo. Bichon. Snickers. Jon Bon Jovi. Prineville. NSAIDS. Rick Steves. Terrazzo. Breve. Tear Ass Creeper. Gordita. Hookah. Sedentary. Ramen.
  • 03:47 Lyrics
    The Blessing and Curse of Consciousness

    I kinda envy my dog

    She's got a lump on her back

    But she doesn't know she's sick

    That's a pretty neat trick

    When I suffer with a sore throat

    I must be fixin' to die

    I just know its gonna kill me

    Cuz i can think like you and we have

    Consciousness

    A little consciousness goes a long way

    But right now my brains a mess

    From the blessing and curse of consciousness 

     

    When the penguins come home to breed

    It's an instinctual life they lead

    They're not worried 'bout a diamond ring

    Relationship talk isn't their thing

    I always fear I'm not worthy

    Not romantic enough

    But then my wife tells me she loves me

    And it feels so good, cuz we have consciousness

    A little consciousness goes a long way

    But right now my brains a mess

    From the blessing and curse of consciousness

     

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    We got a bully in the house next store

    He's kinda twisted and mean

    He's tryin' to wreck the scenery

    So I had to remind him that we have consciousness

    A little consciousness goes a long way

    I've got plenty of ways to stress 

    With the blessing and curse of consciousness

     

    Yeah we have consciousness

    A little consciousness goes a long way

    That's what I think when I start to obsess

    It's the blessing and curse of consciousness

     

     

    And when my son beats me again at chess 

    Here comes the curse of consciousness 

     

  • 03:41 Lyrics
    Bitchin' Camaro

    Bitchin' Camaro

    Ric Seaberg 2012

     

    My sister just told me there's a song called "Bitchin' Camaro"

    Which is amazing- cuz there are very few rhymes for Camaro 

    I just pulled my rhyming dictionary up to check it out on my iPhone 

    And just as I suspected rhyming choices for Camaro are narrow 

     

    Yeah my sister Julie says there is a song titled "Bitchin' Camaro"

    Well perhaps I could stand- to beef up my head banging collection 

    Cuz I haven't really ever heard the song titled Bitchin' Camaro 

    So of course that makes it credible for me to write one of my own

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    There's arrow, and sparrow, but sparrow's unconnected to Camaro

    There's taro, and pharaoh , or mispronunciation of Carol.....

     

    Well my sister Julie Facebooked there's a song titled "Bitchin' Camaro"

    So now I have to Google it to see who in the hell wrote the first one

    And I have just written MY version- in a Facebook window

    Since I decided that it's plausible for me to write one of my own 

    Yeah I figure it's acceptable for me to write one of my own

     

    Outro

    I owned a Bitchin' Camaro

    During my mid life crisis

    Thank God for rhyming dictionaries

    Bruce Springsteen uses one

    But when you look up crisis

    No results are found

     

  • 02:29 Lyrics
    Stay in School

    Stay in School

    Copyright Ric Seaberg 2012

     

    I guess I shoulda stayed in high school

    I wouldn't be on the skids 

    I mighta learned how to read and how to

    Get along with other kids

     

    I guess I coulda taken

    algebra...maybe basic math

    I mighta learned how to do my taxes and other stuff like that

     

    (Bridge)

    I get so pissed that I cant calculate how much to tip a porter

    And I don't understand the poetry in the New Yorker 

     

    Solo 

    (Bridge)

    I get so pissed that I cant calculate how much to tip a waiter

    If I had stayed in school my vo- cah- bew-lurrie’d be greater

     

    I guess I shoulda stayed in high school

    What super bowl is it dude?

    Cuz I don't know my roman numerals

    So basically I'm screwed.

     

    Yeah I can't tell what super bowl it is

    Cuz I dropped outa school

     

  • 04:03 Lyrics
    Obsess Over You

    Obsess Over You
    Copyright Ric Seaberg 2002

    I've been worried 'bout shellfish and the meaning of my dreams
    There is too much pollution in the rivers and streams
    If I don't wash my hands then I might catch the flu
    But tonight I believe I'll obsess over you

    All the snake shows on cable scare the hell outa me
    Somebody’s contractor nightmare I see onTV
    My portfolio's wasted, well, what can ya do?
    But tonight I believe I'll obsess over you

    So lie back, and let me hold you close to me
    Relax, I wanna see the world as it's supposed to be

    Solo
    Bridge
    So lie back, let me hold you close to me
    Relax, I wanna see the world as it was meant to be

    What if I spaced and forgot to pay rent
    What if plaque builds up inside of my stent
    If the pipes freeze this winter, that wouldn't be good
    Built my dream house with concrete, but I shoulda used wood

    If I'm sipping espresso when two worlds collide
    Or get that vertigo thing like when you lie on your side
    There are too many carbs in a Snickers its true
    But tonight I believe I'll obsess over you

     

    Yes tonight I believe I’ll obsess over you!

  • 04:48 Download Lyrics
    Don't Tell Jen
    Don't Tell Jen
    Copyright Ric Seaberg 2011

    I been gamblin and drinkin
    Sometimes I live at the bar
    I keep a flask full of vodka
    In the trunk of my car
    I've got a gun in my pocket
    And a girl at my job
    And if my wife finds out oh she won't care
    But don't tell Jenny I lost her dog

    Chorus
    No don't tell Jen when the dog got out
    Don't tell Jenny he got away
    Yeah if you want to be my friend
    That's one thing that you can't tell Jen!

    Outside in my man cave
    I've got pictures of Pink
    I don' raise the toilet seat
    I jes pee in the sink
    I'm just a natural charmer
    I'm keepin up with my blog
    Where you can read my adventures
    Just don't tell Jenny I lost her dog!!
    Chorus

    They say a dog always loves you
    Unconditionally
    And Jenny loves that Labrador
    Way more than me!
    I had some work done in Reno
    A little face liftin' job
    And if Jen finds out oh she won't care
    But don't tell Jenny I lost her dog

    Chorus

     

  • 04:38 Lyrics
    That's One Hell of an Rv Park

    I see a tube top walkin by the laundromat

    I see an airstream shinin in the sun by that

    There's some nice new trees and a blacktop road

    We got a ice machine and a couple hoes

    There's a grocery store jes a block away

    Where I take the kids on Saturday

    We got rules so don let your Bichon bark

    Oh that's one hell of an RV park

     

    There's a real nice pool with a changin room 

    and they say were gonna get a new hot tub soon

    There's a big recycle by a pretty lawn

    And Jon Bon Jovi on the intercom 

    You can walk to the mall,

    fish in the sea

    Or get a dry martini from the lady in three

    There's lights on the walk so you can see after dark

    Yeah that's one hell of an RV park

    Solo

    Bridge

    Oh well on Friday night by the cyclone fence

    We watch the high school game commence

    My neighbor Dennis is kind of a creep

    But I won sixty bucks off his mom last week

     

    There's a big wide driveway t'bring in your rig

    By the managers permanent RV crib

    Sign a few papers, pick out your site

    Take off your hitch and spend the night

    We got a real nice garden where you can sit

    By a weeping willow with rhodies n'shit

    There's a gazin ball, cuz it adds to the art

    Yeah that's one hell of an RV park

  • 03:18 Lyrics
    If I Could Get to You

    I can get t Memphis

    I can get t Rome

    I can get t Oregon

    That's my home 

    I can get to Macon

    And places i'll pass through

    Oh I can get to New York City

    But I can't get to you

     

    I can get my brother

    To vote the way I vote

    And I can get my best friend Cac

    T'read a poem I wrote

    I can find my way up north

    T'visit my old crew

    yeah I can get t New York City

    But I can't get t'you

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    I tell you funny stories

    I gaze into your eyes

    I introduce the boys in the band

    That's when you say to talk to the hand 

     

    I can get to Reno

    To gamble like a shark

    But I can't find a way to win

    A piece a your heart

    Oh I can get to Prineville 

    By way of Katmandu

    But I would be a happy man

    If I could get to you

     

    Yeah I would go most anywhere

    If I could get to you

     

  • 03:43 Lyrics
    The Pee Bottle Song

    I keep a bottle by the bed

    It's too much trouble to get up

    They said I'd fade but never said

    I'd keep a bottle by my bed

     

    Theres ibuprofen by the bed

    In case the pain’s too much to bear

    There's other stuff to take instead

    My life revolves around NSAIDs 

     

    bridge

    I wear a toupe and a brace on my back

    There's just a little muscle tone that I lack

    But when I tried to fix that hole in the deck

    It caused a lump the size a France on my neck

     

    Solo

    2nd bridge 

     

    And when I tried to move the barbecue once

    I threw my back into a funk for a month

    I’m nominated for King of The Gout

    I got a half a dozen crowns in my mouth

     

    My father told me I'd get old

    So I said daddy you’re a fool

    In my old age I'm trying t'thrive

    We don't get outa here alive

     

    I keep a bottle by the bed

    It's tmi but I don't care 

    There's cheddar cheese and whole wheat bread

    Beside my bottle by the bed 

     

    No matter what you think of me

    I wont be gettin’ up to pee!

  • 03:00 Lyrics
    Bed Bugs

     

    There are bed bugs in youth hostels

    That's what I believe

    There are bed bugs in youth hostels

    ‘Cause I heard it on Rick Steves

    Some are

    Clean and some are gross

    Up in the mountains or

    Down at the coast

    There are bed bugs in youth hostels

    That's what I believe

     

    There are bed bugs in youth hostels

    Some people bring

    The are bed bugs in hostel mattresses

    Clingin’ to the springs

    They hide on your pack

    They hide on your head

    They like what they see and jump 

    the bed

    There are bed bugs in youth hostels

    Some people bring 

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    Just because they say they're clean

    Oh that's not what they really mean

    travel Norway, Timbuktu

    And take some bed bugs home with you

     

    First verse

  • 03:16 Download Lyrics
    Mayhem At the Guggenheim

    Oh I stepped on an exhibit at the Guggenheim

    With my tire track sandals I did my crime

    Gee I thought I might be doin jail time

    When I stepped on that exhibit at the Guggenheim

     

    Oh I slipped on the terrazzo at the Guggenheim

    Man the floors in there are slippery and they sure do shine

    I guess I'm lucky that I didn't get tossed and fined

    When I stepped on that exhibit at the Guggenheim

     

    refrain

    Oh I don't get it

    A sheet with a rock on top!

    No I don't see the art

    And they can git my sandal print off

     

    solo

    chorus

    Oh I don't get it,

     a sheet with a rock on top

    No I don't see the art

    And they can scrub my sandal print off

     

    Oh I stepped on an exhibit at the Guggenheim

    The installation was said to be so sublime

    'Til my tire track sandal crossed the line

    And landed on that sheet at the Guggenheim

    That priceless sheet at the Guggenheim

    That sheet might change the world

    All meaningfully unfurled

    I should watch where I walk!

    I almost touched the rock!

    and ruined the design!

    When I stepped on that exhibit at the Guggenheim

  • 04:42 Lyrics
    The Coffee Song

    Americano latte macchiato breve, bring me some caffeine please

    Frappuccino 6 shot, sugar free, extra hot'n one of those Chinese teas

    We don' work for nothin', we got bills to pay

    But if you ask why I do it, this is what I'll say.......

    Chorus

    I'm jus' keepin' my Starbucks card in the black

    That's why I do it, that's why I break my back

    t'keep my Starbucks card in the black

     

    Roll me outa bed yo, grande espresso, to get me back on track,

    If you wanna treat me, then you can meet me, down at the coffee shack

    I got some mean expenses....I guess that says it all

    And when I'm on my knees today, workin’ in the driving rain

    Chorus

    Solo

    Bridge

    I don' need no mansion, no Mercedes Benz

    All I need to satisfy, is the last and greatest legal high!!

     

    Americano latte macchiato breve, bring me some caffeine please

    Frappuccino 6 shot, sugar free, extra hot'n one of those Chinese teas

    I try hard to wreck my jeans, yet another pair

    Well I may not get rich this way, but I don't really care.....

     

    Chorus, then

    Last chorus

    I'm jus' keepin' my, keepin' my Starbucks card in the black

    That's why I do it, that's why I break my back

    t'keep my Starbucks card in the black

  • 02:30 Lyrics
    Man Cave Sunday

    It's a man cave Sunday, a man cave marathon

    It's my favorite show

    It's a man cave Sunday. A man cave marathon

    Everywhere you go!

     

    First and ten do it again

    With less commercials

    Did you see that?

    What a catch!

    What's wrong with these officials?

    Get ready t'cuss and cheer

    I got a 60" screen on the wall out here

    Chorus

     

    Solo

    Refrain 

    Get the beer and the nachos out 

    Guys love sports with food in their mouth!

    Chorus 

     

  • 03:17 Lyrics
    The Remote Control Fart Machine

    When I put it by grandma it sounded so clean

    When I put it grampa it caused a scene

    When I put by brother he rolled his eyes

    And when i put it by you that wasn't wise

    It's a gas. I got glass. There's emissions coming out your ass

    I didn't mean to be mean

    But I just love my remote controlled fart machine 

     

    When I put it by it Katie

    It sounded so loose

    Then I put it by Timmy, Bill and Bruce

    I could see my sister was at a loss

    It was a similar vibe when I got my boss

    Refrain 

    Solo

    Bridge

    There's no silent but deadly to set it on

    But the tear ass creepers are loud and long

     

    So I took it on Sunday and said a prayer

    Then I taped it behind the ministers chair

    N when it blew humungous wet n warm

    The whole congregation was transformed

    It's a gas. I got class.

    And when I set it by the pastors ass

    I didn't mean to be mean

    But I just love my remote control fart machine

     

  • 03:24
    Fourth Meal
  • 04:12 Lyrics
    I Need Friends

    I'm gonna get me a new job, one with lots of clout

    I'm gonna get a new hairstyle, and start puttin' out

    Im gonna buy a new Chevy, one with lots of speed

    And maybe I'd like a sweet hookah pipe, and a big ol' bag of weed

    Chorus

    Cuz I need friends, not the Facebook kind

    The kind that only say what's on their mind

    Yeah I need friends, not the cyberspace pool

    And the geeks I used to know at my high school

     

    I'm gonna buy me a Rolex, and dye my temples grey

    I'm gonna make sure everyone, gives a shit what I say

    I'm gonna dine at restaurants, where the food is overpriced

    Cuz maybe I'll meet when I'm eatin' my meat....somebody nice!

     Chorus

    Solo

    Bridge

    Jimmy Knutson and Dixie! I really think you’re swell!

    But the rest of you people with hundreds of friends

    You can go to hell!

     

    Cuz I need friends, not the Facebook kind

    The kind that only say what's on their mind

    Yeah I need friends, not the cyberspace pool

    And the geeks I used to know at my high school

    Yeah I need friends, not the Facebook kind

    The kind that only say what's on their mind

    Yeah I need friends, cuz at this stage

    I don't have enough friends on my info page!

  • 04:55 Lyrics
    Carb Load

    I'm gonna run in a marathon, next summer in June

    Cuz if I run in a marathon, that'll show I'm big and strong

     

    No I'm not lazy, fat or old...I've still got a heart of gold

    There's a store where I can run and buy some food to get it done

     

    Carb load! Bring on the bread ...Carb load! Bring on the red

    Potatoes and butter, that is the plan

    Cuz I'm gonna be a marathon man

     

    I'm gonna run in a marathon, T'show my kids I'm great

    And when I've run that twenty six, I'll just do "point two" for kicks

     

    And when I finish they'll be glad, that I'm no sedentary dad

    So I'll eat pasta and drink more beer, T' fit into my Nike gear.. .......

     

    Carb load! Bring on the bread.....Carb load! Bring on the red

    Potatoes and gravy, that is the plan

    Cuz I'm gonna be their marathon man!

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    And when I triumph on marathon day

    The triathlon's a whisper away!

     

    Verse 3

    I'm gonna run in a marathon, and show'em how it's done

    I'm gonna watch those miles drift by

    Step back chilluns, and watch gramps fly

     

    And when I cross that finish line, in some kinda grandpa, record time

    I won't stop my regimen

    Cuz there inside the finish tent

     

    I'll carb load! Bring on the pie!...Carb load! Reubens on rye!

    Danish and strudel, carmelized flan!

    Yeah I'm gonna be a marathon man

     

    Outro:

    And you know I’m not gonna starve, cuz Ill be loading up on carbs

    And when I finish up my crust, That’s when you can eat my dust!

  • 04:27 Lyrics
    Don't Drive Your Car in the Bike Lane

    Don't drive your car in the bike lane Joe 

    You almost killed this guy I know Once you're dead you're dead for life

    Don't drive your car in the bike lane, Mike

     

    It was a beautiful day for a ride 

    He got his sunscreen all applied 

    He put an energy bar in his pack.

    A water bottle and Click and Clack But with the sun shining down on him 

    Here comes the part that's kinda grim

    A driver did not see him pass

    Until his helmet get the windshield glass

     

    Chorus

    Solo 

    Verse 2

     

    And now his helmet is enshrined 

    We feel lucky that he's doing fine

    A little shaky but he won't quit 

    As for the bike....... recycle it

     

    Chorus

    Last chorus

     

    Don't drive your car in the bike lane Joe 

    You almost killed this guy I know 

    Once you're dead you're dead fo' sho'

    Don't drive your car in the bike lane Bro

     

  • 02:53 Lyrics
    One Dog Night

    In trouble again. My baby was on attack
    I thought I might clean the fridge
    Pull out the yogurts in the back
    But I guess I was wrong. it turned into a big ol' fight
    Now that was a terrible day..
    And a one dog night

    In the den again-
    Just the two of us lickin' our wounds
    Sharin' a super-size, fightin' for sofa room
    It's a long way back..when your bark's as big as your bite
    Now that was a terrible day.....And a one dog night

    Solo

    Bridge
    Now there are times I would rather die
    But it's not my time to go
    Someone here still needs to fetch.
    So someone has to throw.

    Oh I wish I could say "I love you", just one more time
    Take her hand down a rocky road
    Tell her how blessed I am she's mine
    Go to sleep with a little laugh
    Wake up beside my wife
    Oh it's been a terrible day
    And it's a one dog night

  • 03:08 Download Lyrics
    300 Million Chances

    There are 300 million chances you'll be born, 

    300 mill at the time

    So on average it's amazing you were born at all

    and a product of nature’s design

     

    There are 300 million chances you'll be you

    300 mill I am me

    It's much better than a jackpot on a tv show

    It's much bigger than the lottery

     

    So just be happy, don't be angry

    You're so lucky to be living at all

    Be creative, check out the sunrise

    Give your sisters and your brothers a call

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    Verse 3

     

    There are 300 million chances you'll be born

    So when you ask why am I me

    You're so lucky you it's a question

    You can ask at all

    And your name goes down in history

  • 04:52 Download Lyrics
    One Day in My Life

    My doggie died and my coffee was cold

    I realized that I was getting old

    The spin cycle in the washer broke

    Our neighbor's attitude's a bit of a joke

    Chorus

    But that was one day

    That was, one day in my life

    Only one day

    Only one day in my life

     

    I dropped my ramen on the kitchen floor

    I left my wallet at the hardware store

    The avocado I just bought is too ripe

    Under the sink I found a leaky pipe

    Chorus

    Solo

    Bridge

    I see the future and I live in the past

    When I'm not bein' here now

    Sometimes the moment is hard to take

    Sometimes I lose my faith cuz

     

    My brother's woman had a wreck in her truck

    She was a lady with a lot of pluck

    We won't forget her- She's here in our hearts

    I know she'd want us all to make a new start

    Cuz that was one day, etc

    Chorus twice out

     

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