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03:47
Lyrics
The Blessing and Curse of Consciousness
I kinda envy my dog
She's got a lump on her back
But she doesn't know she's sick
That's a pretty neat trick
When I suffer with a sore throat
I must be fixin' to die
I just know its gonna kill me
Cuz i can think like you and we have
Consciousness
A little consciousness goes a long way
But right now my brains a mess
From the blessing and curse of consciousness
When the penguins come home to breed
It's an instinctual life they lead
They're not worried 'bout a diamond ring
Relationship talk isn't their thing
I always fear I'm not worthy
Not romantic enough
But then my wife tells me she loves me
And it feels so good, cuz we have consciousness
A little consciousness goes a long way
But right now my brains a mess
From the blessing and curse of consciousness
Solo
Bridge
We got a bully in the house next store
He's kinda twisted and mean
He's tryin' to wreck the scenery
So I had to remind him that we have consciousness
A little consciousness goes a long way
I've got plenty of ways to stress
With the blessing and curse of consciousness
Yeah we have consciousness
A little consciousness goes a long way
That's what I think when I start to obsess
It's the blessing and curse of consciousness
And when my son beats me again at chess
Here comes the curse of consciousness
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03:41
Lyrics
Bitchin' Camaro
Bitchin' Camaro
Ric Seaberg 2012
My sister just told me there's a song called "Bitchin' Camaro"
Which is amazing- cuz there are very few rhymes for Camaro
I just pulled my rhyming dictionary up to check it out on my iPhone
And just as I suspected rhyming choices for Camaro are narrow
Yeah my sister Julie says there is a song titled "Bitchin' Camaro"
Well perhaps I could stand- to beef up my head banging collection
Cuz I haven't really ever heard the song titled Bitchin' Camaro
So of course that makes it credible for me to write one of my own
Solo
Bridge
There's arrow, and sparrow, but sparrow's unconnected to Camaro
There's taro, and pharaoh , or mispronunciation of Carol.....
Well my sister Julie Facebooked there's a song titled "Bitchin' Camaro"
So now I have to Google it to see who in the hell wrote the first one
And I have just written MY version- in a Facebook window
Since I decided that it's plausible for me to write one of my own
Yeah I figure it's acceptable for me to write one of my own
Outro
I owned a Bitchin' Camaro
During my mid life crisis
Thank God for rhyming dictionaries
Bruce Springsteen uses one
But when you look up crisis
No results are found
-
02:29
Lyrics
Stay in School
Stay in School
Copyright Ric Seaberg 2012
I guess I shoulda stayed in high school
I wouldn't be on the skids
I mighta learned how to read and how to
Get along with other kids
I guess I coulda taken
algebra...maybe basic math
I mighta learned how to do my taxes and other stuff like that
(Bridge)
I get so pissed that I cant calculate how much to tip a porter
And I don't understand the poetry in the New Yorker
Solo
(Bridge)
I get so pissed that I cant calculate how much to tip a waiter
If I had stayed in school my vo- cah- bew-lurrie’d be greater
I guess I shoulda stayed in high school
What super bowl is it dude?
Cuz I don't know my roman numerals
So basically I'm screwed.
Yeah I can't tell what super bowl it is
Cuz I dropped outa school
-
04:03
Lyrics
Obsess Over You
Obsess Over You
Copyright Ric Seaberg 2002
I've been worried 'bout shellfish and the meaning of my dreams
There is too much pollution in the rivers and streams
If I don't wash my hands then I might catch the flu
But tonight I believe I'll obsess over you
All the snake shows on cable scare the hell outa me
Somebody’s contractor nightmare I see onTV
My portfolio's wasted, well, what can ya do?
But tonight I believe I'll obsess over you
So lie back, and let me hold you close to me
Relax, I wanna see the world as it's supposed to be
Solo
Bridge
So lie back, let me hold you close to me
Relax, I wanna see the world as it was meant to be
What if I spaced and forgot to pay rent
What if plaque builds up inside of my stent
If the pipes freeze this winter, that wouldn't be good
Built my dream house with concrete, but I shoulda used wood
If I'm sipping espresso when two worlds collide
Or get that vertigo thing like when you lie on your side
There are too many carbs in a Snickers its true
But tonight I believe I'll obsess over youYes tonight I believe I’ll obsess over you!
-
04:48
Download
Lyrics
Don't Tell Jen
Don't Tell Jen
Copyright Ric Seaberg 2011
I been gamblin and drinkin
Sometimes I live at the bar
I keep a flask full of vodka
In the trunk of my car
I've got a gun in my pocket
And a girl at my job
And if my wife finds out oh she won't care
But don't tell Jenny I lost her dog
Chorus
No don't tell Jen when the dog got out
Don't tell Jenny he got away
Yeah if you want to be my friend
That's one thing that you can't tell Jen!
Outside in my man cave
I've got pictures of Pink
I don' raise the toilet seat
I jes pee in the sink
I'm just a natural charmer
I'm keepin up with my blog
Where you can read my adventures
Just don't tell Jenny I lost her dog!!
Chorus
They say a dog always loves you
Unconditionally
And Jenny loves that Labrador
Way more than me!
I had some work done in Reno
A little face liftin' job
And if Jen finds out oh she won't care
But don't tell Jenny I lost her dog
Chorus -
04:38
Lyrics
That's One Hell of an Rv Park
I see a tube top walkin by the laundromat
I see an airstream shinin in the sun by that
There's some nice new trees and a blacktop road
We got a ice machine and a couple hoes
There's a grocery store jes a block away
Where I take the kids on Saturday
We got rules so don let your Bichon bark
Oh that's one hell of an RV park
There's a real nice pool with a changin room
and they say were gonna get a new hot tub soon
There's a big recycle by a pretty lawn
And Jon Bon Jovi on the intercom
You can walk to the mall,
fish in the sea
Or get a dry martini from the lady in three
There's lights on the walk so you can see after dark
Yeah that's one hell of an RV park
Solo
Bridge
Oh well on Friday night by the cyclone fence
We watch the high school game commence
My neighbor Dennis is kind of a creep
But I won sixty bucks off his mom last week
There's a big wide driveway t'bring in your rig
By the managers permanent RV crib
Sign a few papers, pick out your site
Take off your hitch and spend the night
We got a real nice garden where you can sit
By a weeping willow with rhodies n'shit
There's a gazin ball, cuz it adds to the art
Yeah that's one hell of an RV park
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03:18
Lyrics
If I Could Get to You
I can get t Memphis
I can get t Rome
I can get t Oregon
That's my home
I can get to Macon
And places i'll pass through
Oh I can get to New York City
But I can't get to you
I can get my brother
To vote the way I vote
And I can get my best friend Cac
T'read a poem I wrote
I can find my way up north
T'visit my old crew
yeah I can get t New York City
But I can't get t'you
Solo
Bridge
I tell you funny stories
I gaze into your eyes
I introduce the boys in the band
That's when you say to talk to the hand
I can get to Reno
To gamble like a shark
But I can't find a way to win
A piece a your heart
Oh I can get to Prineville
By way of Katmandu
But I would be a happy man
If I could get to you
Yeah I would go most anywhere
If I could get to you
-
03:43
Lyrics
The Pee Bottle Song
I keep a bottle by the bed
It's too much trouble to get up
They said I'd fade but never said
I'd keep a bottle by my bed
Theres ibuprofen by the bed
In case the pain’s too much to bear
There's other stuff to take instead
My life revolves around NSAIDs
bridge
I wear a toupe and a brace on my back
There's just a little muscle tone that I lack
But when I tried to fix that hole in the deck
It caused a lump the size a France on my neck
Solo
2nd bridge
And when I tried to move the barbecue once
I threw my back into a funk for a month
I’m nominated for King of The Gout
I got a half a dozen crowns in my mouth
My father told me I'd get old
So I said daddy you’re a fool
In my old age I'm trying t'thrive
We don't get outa here alive
I keep a bottle by the bed
It's tmi but I don't care
There's cheddar cheese and whole wheat bread
Beside my bottle by the bed
No matter what you think of me
I wont be gettin’ up to pee!
-
03:00
Lyrics
Bed Bugs
There are bed bugs in youth hostels
That's what I believe
There are bed bugs in youth hostels
‘Cause I heard it on Rick Steves
Some are
Clean and some are gross
Up in the mountains or
Down at the coast
There are bed bugs in youth hostels
That's what I believe
There are bed bugs in youth hostels
Some people bring
The are bed bugs in hostel mattresses
Clingin’ to the springs
They hide on your pack
They hide on your head
They like what they see and jump
the bed
There are bed bugs in youth hostels
Some people bring
Solo
Bridge
Just because they say they're clean
Oh that's not what they really mean
travel Norway, Timbuktu
And take some bed bugs home with you
First verse
-
03:16
Download
Lyrics
Mayhem At the Guggenheim
Oh I stepped on an exhibit at the Guggenheim
With my tire track sandals I did my crime
Gee I thought I might be doin jail time
When I stepped on that exhibit at the Guggenheim
Oh I slipped on the terrazzo at the Guggenheim
Man the floors in there are slippery and they sure do shine
I guess I'm lucky that I didn't get tossed and fined
When I stepped on that exhibit at the Guggenheim
refrain
Oh I don't get it
A sheet with a rock on top!
No I don't see the art
And they can git my sandal print off
solo
chorus
Oh I don't get it,
a sheet with a rock on top
No I don't see the art
And they can scrub my sandal print off
Oh I stepped on an exhibit at the Guggenheim
The installation was said to be so sublime
'Til my tire track sandal crossed the line
And landed on that sheet at the Guggenheim
That priceless sheet at the Guggenheim
That sheet might change the world
All meaningfully unfurled
I should watch where I walk!
I almost touched the rock!
and ruined the design!
When I stepped on that exhibit at the Guggenheim
-
04:42
Lyrics
The Coffee Song
Americano latte macchiato breve, bring me some caffeine please
Frappuccino 6 shot, sugar free, extra hot'n one of those Chinese teas
We don' work for nothin', we got bills to pay
But if you ask why I do it, this is what I'll say.......
Chorus
I'm jus' keepin' my Starbucks card in the black
That's why I do it, that's why I break my back
t'keep my Starbucks card in the black
Roll me outa bed yo, grande espresso, to get me back on track,
If you wanna treat me, then you can meet me, down at the coffee shack
I got some mean expenses....I guess that says it all
And when I'm on my knees today, workin’ in the driving rain
Chorus
Solo
Bridge
I don' need no mansion, no Mercedes Benz
All I need to satisfy, is the last and greatest legal high!!
Americano latte macchiato breve, bring me some caffeine please
Frappuccino 6 shot, sugar free, extra hot'n one of those Chinese teas
I try hard to wreck my jeans, yet another pair
Well I may not get rich this way, but I don't really care.....
Chorus, then
Last chorus
I'm jus' keepin' my, keepin' my Starbucks card in the black
That's why I do it, that's why I break my back
t'keep my Starbucks card in the black
-
02:30
Lyrics
Man Cave Sunday
It's a man cave Sunday, a man cave marathon
It's my favorite show
It's a man cave Sunday. A man cave marathon
Everywhere you go!
First and ten do it again
With less commercials
Did you see that?
What a catch!
What's wrong with these officials?
Get ready t'cuss and cheer
I got a 60" screen on the wall out here
Chorus
Solo
Refrain
Get the beer and the nachos out
Guys love sports with food in their mouth!
Chorus
-
03:17
Lyrics
The Remote Control Fart Machine
When I put it by grandma it sounded so clean
When I put it grampa it caused a scene
When I put by brother he rolled his eyes
And when i put it by you that wasn't wise
It's a gas. I got glass. There's emissions coming out your ass
I didn't mean to be mean
But I just love my remote controlled fart machine
When I put it by it Katie
It sounded so loose
Then I put it by Timmy, Bill and Bruce
I could see my sister was at a loss
It was a similar vibe when I got my boss
Refrain
Solo
Bridge
There's no silent but deadly to set it on
But the tear ass creepers are loud and long
So I took it on Sunday and said a prayer
Then I taped it behind the ministers chair
N when it blew humungous wet n warm
The whole congregation was transformed
It's a gas. I got class.
And when I set it by the pastors ass
I didn't mean to be mean
But I just love my remote control fart machine
-
03:24
Fourth Meal
-
04:12
Lyrics
I Need Friends
I'm gonna get me a new job, one with lots of clout
I'm gonna get a new hairstyle, and start puttin' out
Im gonna buy a new Chevy, one with lots of speed
And maybe I'd like a sweet hookah pipe, and a big ol' bag of weed
Chorus
Cuz I need friends, not the Facebook kind
The kind that only say what's on their mind
Yeah I need friends, not the cyberspace pool
And the geeks I used to know at my high school
I'm gonna buy me a Rolex, and dye my temples grey
I'm gonna make sure everyone, gives a shit what I say
I'm gonna dine at restaurants, where the food is overpriced
Cuz maybe I'll meet when I'm eatin' my meat....somebody nice!
Chorus
Solo
Bridge
Jimmy Knutson and Dixie! I really think you’re swell!
But the rest of you people with hundreds of friends
You can go to hell!
Cuz I need friends, not the Facebook kind
The kind that only say what's on their mind
Yeah I need friends, not the cyberspace pool
And the geeks I used to know at my high school
Yeah I need friends, not the Facebook kind
The kind that only say what's on their mind
Yeah I need friends, cuz at this stage
I don't have enough friends on my info page!
-
04:55
Lyrics
Carb Load
I'm gonna run in a marathon, next summer in June
Cuz if I run in a marathon, that'll show I'm big and strong
No I'm not lazy, fat or old...I've still got a heart of gold
There's a store where I can run and buy some food to get it done
Carb load! Bring on the bread ...Carb load! Bring on the red
Potatoes and butter, that is the plan
Cuz I'm gonna be a marathon man
I'm gonna run in a marathon, T'show my kids I'm great
And when I've run that twenty six, I'll just do "point two" for kicks
And when I finish they'll be glad, that I'm no sedentary dad
So I'll eat pasta and drink more beer, T' fit into my Nike gear.. .......
Carb load! Bring on the bread.....Carb load! Bring on the red
Potatoes and gravy, that is the plan
Cuz I'm gonna be their marathon man!
Solo
Bridge
And when I triumph on marathon day
The triathlon's a whisper away!
Verse 3
I'm gonna run in a marathon, and show'em how it's done
I'm gonna watch those miles drift by
Step back chilluns, and watch gramps fly
And when I cross that finish line, in some kinda grandpa, record time
I won't stop my regimen
Cuz there inside the finish tent
I'll carb load! Bring on the pie!...Carb load! Reubens on rye!
Danish and strudel, carmelized flan!
Yeah I'm gonna be a marathon man
Outro:
And you know I’m not gonna starve, cuz Ill be loading up on carbs
And when I finish up my crust, That’s when you can eat my dust!
-
04:27
Lyrics
Don't Drive Your Car in the Bike Lane
Don't drive your car in the bike lane Joe
You almost killed this guy I know Once you're dead you're dead for life
Don't drive your car in the bike lane, Mike
It was a beautiful day for a ride
He got his sunscreen all applied
He put an energy bar in his pack.
A water bottle and Click and Clack But with the sun shining down on him
Here comes the part that's kinda grim
A driver did not see him pass
Until his helmet get the windshield glass
Chorus
Solo
Verse 2
And now his helmet is enshrined
We feel lucky that he's doing fine
A little shaky but he won't quit
As for the bike....... recycle it
Chorus
Last chorus
Don't drive your car in the bike lane Joe
You almost killed this guy I know
Once you're dead you're dead fo' sho'
Don't drive your car in the bike lane Bro
-
02:53
Lyrics
One Dog Night
In trouble again. My baby was on attack
I thought I might clean the fridge
Pull out the yogurts in the back
But I guess I was wrong. it turned into a big ol' fight
Now that was a terrible day..
And a one dog night
In the den again-
Just the two of us lickin' our wounds
Sharin' a super-size, fightin' for sofa room
It's a long way back..when your bark's as big as your bite
Now that was a terrible day.....And a one dog night
Solo
Bridge
Now there are times I would rather die
But it's not my time to go
Someone here still needs to fetch.
So someone has to throw.
Oh I wish I could say "I love you", just one more time
Take her hand down a rocky road
Tell her how blessed I am she's mine
Go to sleep with a little laugh
Wake up beside my wife
Oh it's been a terrible day
And it's a one dog night -
03:08
Download
Lyrics
300 Million Chances
There are 300 million chances you'll be born,
300 mill at the time
So on average it's amazing you were born at all
and a product of nature’s design
There are 300 million chances you'll be you
300 mill I am me
It's much better than a jackpot on a tv show
It's much bigger than the lottery
So just be happy, don't be angry
You're so lucky to be living at all
Be creative, check out the sunrise
Give your sisters and your brothers a call
Solo
Bridge
Verse 3
There are 300 million chances you'll be born
So when you ask why am I me
You're so lucky you it's a question
You can ask at all
And your name goes down in history
-
04:52
Download
Lyrics
One Day in My Life
My doggie died and my coffee was cold
I realized that I was getting old
The spin cycle in the washer broke
Our neighbor's attitude's a bit of a joke
Chorus
But that was one day
That was, one day in my life
Only one day
Only one day in my life
I dropped my ramen on the kitchen floor
I left my wallet at the hardware store
The avocado I just bought is too ripe
Under the sink I found a leaky pipe
Chorus
Solo
Bridge
I see the future and I live in the past
When I'm not bein' here now
Sometimes the moment is hard to take
Sometimes I lose my faith cuz
My brother's woman had a wreck in her truck
She was a lady with a lot of pluck
We won't forget her- She's here in our hearts
I know she'd want us all to make a new start
Cuz that was one day, etc
Chorus twice out