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03:55
Lyrics
The Dry Cleaning Song
I took my wife’s dry cleaning to the Goodwill store
What a nice donation...there was jubilation
When the cashmere sweaters that my wife adores
Hit the sweater hangers of the Goodwill store
There they were in the hallway....bagged up for the trip
Twelve sweaters and dresses...Shoes bras and a slip
“Take this one to sister’s house...Go by there first!
Take the rest to charity...but not this one...
Which belongs to me!”
I took my wife’s dry cleaning to the Goodwill store
What a nice donation...there was jubilation
When the cashmere sweaters that my wife adores
Hit the sweater hangers of the Goodwill store
Solo
Bridge
I know that people make mistakes...everybody does
But this might call for suicide...cuz when I saw those tears she cried
I fought back the tears myself......actin’ mighty tough
But she said she felt fine enough...
Since I could buy her all new stuff!
Chorus, then
Last Chorus with changes,
I took my wife’s dry cleaning to the Goodwill store
What a nice donation...there was jubilation
Well I might be stupid but I’m not a bore
And they sure do love me at the Goodwill store
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03:09
Lyrics
Jesus Didn't Have A Car Payment Either
(Companion song to "Jesus Didn't Have a Car" from Santa Monica CD)
Workin’ like a dog in Bethlehem,
No idea of things to come
Carry that weight and lift that wood
Later he’d be understood
But in those days he couldn’t go far
Since Jesus didn’t have a car
Thank god for a little breather....
Jesus didn’t have a car payment either!
Jesus had a winning way
People loved him from the start
Drawn to Jesus, drawn to see him
Put the horse before the cart
But in those days beyond the star
Jesus didnt have a car
But way before the days of Caesar
Jesus didn’t have a car payment either
Jesus went from town to town
Gathering a loyal flock
He had money, love and praise
And perfect credit all his days
But there were no romantic drives
No time to hug and squeeze her
Cuz jesus didn’t have a car but...
Jesus didn’t have a car payment either!
-
03:10
Lyrics
Sunspots
He was payin’ his bills on the internet...when the
Sun spots...sabotaged earth
It was the biggest fire in recorded time, the biggest
Sun spots in the universe
Well he clicked to send all the bills he paid....that’s when his
Hard drive....stranded his purse
It was the coldest freeze a computer’s known
The coldest hard drive in the universe
So that’s when he put his mouse away and he tried to call support
But he couldnt get a dial tone
You may not get to use the phone when
Sun spots create a mass ejection in the hot solar atmosphere
Radiation is emitted all across the spectrum and the
Xrays end up here
Solo
Oh the radio waves in the radio stopped when the
Sun spots...vandalized earth
And the banker said no, we can’t send your dough because the
Sun spots....are getting worse
So that’s when he thought he might need a margarita
And found the nearest bar
But when he ordered his drink....the waitress smirked
Our blender never seems to work when...
Sun spots create a mass ejection in the hot solar atmosphere
Radiation is emitted all across the spectrum and the
Xrays end up here
Radiation is emitted all across the spectrum and the
Xrays end up here
Woooooo
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04:29
Lyrics
Maneater
(Thought it might me funny to do a reggae version of this song so I could say "She's a monneater")
She only come out’ anigh, deh lean a’hungry tyyyyype
Nuttin’ idda new , I seen huh here befoe
Watchin’ an’waitin’, ooooh she sitta witta you
buh her eye iss on deh doe
So many day pay to see...whatchu thinka you getta foe free
Deh woman issa wile, a she cat tame by deh purr offa jaguah
Issa money dat matta, if you inna foe luv you ain’ gonna get to fah
Oh here she come, watch out boy, she chew you up
Oh here she come, sheese a moneateah (repeat)
I wouldn’t iffa I were you, I know wha’shee can do
Sheesa deadly mon, she could really rippa yo whirl apar
mind ova matta, ooohh deh beauty issa dare but da bease iss inn deh heart
chorus
solo
chorus 4x
second chorus - she only come outa nigh’
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03:51
Lyrics
Next Time Mary
I keep a telephone in my fanny pack
I had to buy one after my heart attack
I'm callin' triple A if I get a flat
There is a special button designed for that
I carry credit cards and some medicine
I make too many stops at the ATM
I got a fishin' license for Oregon
I carry extra shades and a Leatherman
I got my whole damn world inside of that purse
No I don't keep a spare
So when I leave it at your house next time…
Please don't tell me….it's not there
Chorus
You gotta try a little harder next time Mary, try a little harder please
Or you can tell my wife next time…YOU just lost the Volvo key, so
Try a little harder next time Mary, I am down on my knees..
Look a little further next time won'cha…try a little harder please
Solo
I got some fat-free candy and bubble gum
I carry dental floss if yer needin' some
I got some nice new checks in the marathon
They got my first name right and my last name……wrong
You gotta try a little harder next time Mary,. Try a little harder doll..
Don' call me up to say you found it…
After I've replaced it all!
You gotta try a little harder next time Mary, I am down on my knees
Look a little further next time won'cha, try a little harder, look a little further
PLEASE!!!!
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03:33
Lyrics
Sour Cream
The food Lester loves......the artichoke
Oat bran cereal, half ‘n’half
The food Lester loves.....the barbecue
Baby backs or a leg of lamb
But whether breakfast, lunch or dinner
There is one unbeaten winner.....
Sour Cream! goes with anything you like to eat
Sour Cream! doesn’t matter if it’s savory or sweet!
Nachos, cheesecake, Apple Strudel
Chicken or Beef Burgundy
Danish Pastry, Cheesy Blintzes
Or your favorite fricassee
In the borsch you make for grandad
It’s one perfect saucy comrade!
Chorus
Solo
Release
Other condiments have style
But nothing is so versatile
Chorus then
Last chorus
Sour Cream! from Seattle to the Carribean
Sour Cream!
We prefer our grub with
Sour Cream!
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03:35
Story
Lyrics
Dopamine!
I love the NFL, I love the NBA
I love to see one land in Frisco Bay
I like to play to win, It fires up my brain
I get a special high at the football game.....
DOPAMINE!
D-O-P-A-M-I-N-E
Every time I scream
Here comes the DOPAMINE!
I love the Poker shows, I like the river card
I like the rush I get when I win one hard
I like to play to crush, I wanna wear the crown
I get a royal flush when the chips are down....
DOPAMINE!
D-O-P-A-M-I-N-E
When I’ m holdin’ queens
Here comes the DOPAMINE!
Solo
Bridge
Turn a monkey’s hormones loose....let’m win some apple juice
Neuroscientists have seen....they begin to neurotransmit raging dopamine!!!!
I like to make a bet on the superbowl
I like to watch The Tide begin to roll
I love t’see’m score...the juices start to flow
A little knock-out punch...or a touchdown throw...
DOPAMINE!
D-O-P-A-M-I-N-E
We won by seventeen
Here comes the DOPAMINE!
We're on the winning team!
Here comes the dopamine, dopamine!
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02:48
Lyrics
One Dog Night
In trouble again. My baby was on attack
I thought I might clean the fridge
Pull out the yogurts in the back
But I guess I was wrong. it turned into a big ol' fight
Now that was a terrible day..
And a one dog night
In the den again-
Just the two of us lickin' our wounds
Sharin' a super-size, fightin' for sofa room
It's a long way back..when your bark's as big as your bite
Now that was a terrible day.....And a one dog night
Solo
Bridge
Now there are times I would rather die
But it's not my time to go
Someone here still needs to fetch.
So someone has to throw.
Oh I wish I could say "I love you", just one more time
Take her hand down a rocky road
Tell her how blessed I am she's mine
Go to sleep with a little laugh
Wake up beside my wife
Oh it's been a terrible day
And it's a one dog night -
03:32
Download
Lyrics
Superbowl Andy
There’s Fritos on the table, in a plastic football tray
It’s the biggest sporting moment in the USA
I call my buddy Andy, and I make all the food
I greet him at the door and he yells “Dude!”
Wearin’ a football helmet, with beers on the top
So you can sip without your hands and don’t have to stop
He puts a rack of Guinness… in the cooler by me
I see his wife turn sideways and say to Marie…
“I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy
I’m not sure I like the way he behaves
I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy at all”
We’ve got blow up armchairs…inscribed with Miller Lite
And Cheesehead hats we purchased from the Packer’s site
But we prefer Seattle so we painted them blue
Green Bay’s not our team but Cheeseheads rule!
There’s hot and hotter hot wings, and dip t’cool’em off
And then we like to drench’em in Tabasco sauce
The girls are talking softly, when Andy hollers “SWEET!”
He needs a small reminder so his wife repeats….
“I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy
I’m not sure I like the way he behaves
I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy at all”
Solo
Bridge
We get so excited when our team begins to score
So I grab the football closest to the couch
I send Andy long but then he trips and starts to fall
I cringe in horror when he puts his helmet through the wall
“Im not sure I like Superbowl Andy
I’m not sure I like the way he behaves
I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy at all”
Repeat with other voices
We’re not sure we like Superbowl Andy etc
-
03:11
Lyrics
Allergy Sufferer
Allergy Sufferer.....you with the sneeze
Allergy Sufferer.....you with the wheeze
We can be sure you will.....remember to take your pill
Or you’ll be suffering all day...
Try to get lots of rest...at your computer desk...
Allergy Sufferer
Allergy Sufferer....you’re mad as hell
Allergy Sufferer....when your tongue starts to swell
So keep those carpets clean...t’keep all your histamine
From getting a chance to make you ill
But maybe that scone you tried...did have an egg inside
Allergy Sufferer
Solo
Bridge
Maybe you’re itchin’ so you start t’bitchin’ cuz it ain’t fun
Gimme a jingle if you start to tingle when you’ve been stung
Allergy Sufferer....I heard you got
Allergy Sufferer...anaphylactic shock
When you were driving home.....you popped a few prednisone
Then took a turn for the ER
Now you won’t forget again....to get a fresh Epipen...
Allergy Sufferer
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03:23
Lyrics
On The Tundra Tonight
Grab a pick and a shovel
A parka might be nice
We found an ancient mammoth
Buried in the ice
Icefield in motion
Hairdryer and tools
No vodka while working
You know that's against the rules
(chorus)
We are digging a hole
Pretty much by hand
On Siberian soil
Not a temperate land
We are digging a hole
To reveal the sight
Of a hairy old beast
On the tundra tonight
The Discovery Channel
Kinda blows my mind
TV worth watchin'
Most of the time
There goes the chopper
To the sound of cheers
The Woolly Mammoth is waking up after
Twenty thousand years
We are digging a hole
The size of a car
Not a Beetle or a Beamer
Or a Jaguar
We are digging a hole
To reveal the sight
Of a hairy old beast
On the tundra tonight
-
02:32
Lyrics
You Saved Me!
You save condiment packets, and those twisty things on bread
You save Atlantic Monthlys 'til I cannot see the bed
We've got plastic bags and rubber bands to last a century
And I'm forever grateful that you saved me.
You save lilacs and roses.. you cannot bear to prune
It's hard to find the sidewalk by the middle of june
And every tag from every plant for eternity
And I'm forever grateful that you saved me
Bridge
When I was lost you were there to show me the way
While God was drinkin' coffee at the Campus Café
And He prefers his brew at The Divinity School
Says it on that t-shirt you bought in '72!!!!
Solo
You save your grandmother's glasses.. and her doilies full of holes
Clothes that haven't fit since you were 18 years old
And every rock and piece of wood you found by the sea
And so you see I'm grateful that you saved me
-
04:03
Lyrics
When Bad Dreams Happen (To Good People)
There I was mouth open, soundin’ like a frog
Deeper than my fishin’ lake, in the land of nod
And just when sleep is perfect, and I’m smashin’ down my hair
A nightmare comes to wreck my night,
And I’m so glad you’re there......
When bad dreams happen to good people
When monsters interrupt my sleep
You awake to comfort me, and get me back on sheep
When bad dreams happen to good people like me
Solo
Release
When I’ve become the hunted, when the dogs get lost
When they take me off to jail cuz they say I shot my boss
When I freeze onstage and I forget my own song’s words
That’s when you turn the light on so that I can rest assured
When bad dreams happen to good people
When my legs refuse to run
You awake to take away the gangsters and their guns
When bad dreams happen to good people like me
When bad dreams happen to good people
When I have to stand and fight
You awake to comfort me and then we say goodnight
When bad dreams happen to good people like me
-
04:00
Lyrics
The Fundamentalist Gene
Maybe the Republicans stole the election, maybe not
I went down and made my selection, and got what I got
But there’s a million people who believe
There’s a vast conspiracy
So they are marchin’ on to fight
Further left than right of right
But if you see black and white
Shades of grey
In between
You weren’t born that way
Yes if you see black and white
Shades of grey
In between
Then you likely don’t posess
the fundamentalist gene
Solo
Bridge
Verse2
They found a gene for predisposing cancer of the skin
And pretty soon they’ll know if you should play the violin
And there’s a gene for those whose quest is spiritual in kind
And some will try to win you with a fundamentalist line
Chorus
-
04:25
Lyrics
It's Available Now
There was a special sale on beer that day, and she was settin’ up the rack
She had a table full of chips and dip, so you could fill your sack
She was just an actress, standing there beside the wines
And when a customer would ask, she would say these lines....
It’s available now.....not yesterday....
There’s no limit to the beer that you can take away
It’s available now, all you’ll ever need
All coupons we allow....
It’s available now
It was a special sale on beer that day that was keeping her from tears
She was trying to forget him just by sellin’ all those beers
It was a case of being sorry.....for saying she’d be gone
But as the customers filed by, she continued on.....
Chorus
Solo
Bridge
But when he walked into the grocery store, and found her with a kiss
And said I cannot live without your love..... she replied with this.....
It’s available now.....not yesterday....
There’s no limit to the love that you can take away
It’s available now, all you’ll ever need
All coupons we allow....
It’s available now
Repeat Chorus, out
-
03:50
Lyrics
Everyday Is Christmas
I love you on your birthday, as every year goes by
I love you on St. Patrick’s...When there’s a rainbow passin’ by
I love you on Thanksgiving, when football’s on TV
But Everyday is Christmas, when you are here with me
I love you on Columbus Day, when Fall returns again
And later in October, when daylight saving ends
I love you on Election Day, though we may disagree
But Everyday is Christmas, when you are here with me
Solo
Bridge
This year I filled packages, and dressed them up so nice
Some are wrapped in red and green,
Some in stars and stripes
I love you when you’re absent, on Independence Day
I say my prayers and promise....anything to keep you safe
I love you on St. Valentine’s, the chocolate and chablis
But Everyday is Christmas, when you are home with me
Having spent most of his adult life, after a stint as an almost famous rock star in the Northwest's popular 60s-70s band "The Morning Reign", owning and operating a retail bakery, Ric returned to songwriting and recording with a vengeance in 2001, and has since released five full-length CDs. And not all of the great songs, piling up in that portfolo, have made it onto one of Ric's previous sixteen song CD releases.
"Dubs On Trial" showcases sixteen great Seaberg tunes, previously passed by as CDs were assembled. "I keep a portfolio I have actually titled "Dubs On Trial", Seaberg says. We thought, let's just call the CD that, and then, maybe I'll get to wear one of those judge wigs!"
Visit Ric's blog at http://ricseaberg.blogspot.com/
And Ric Seaberg's Useful Information at
www.ricseaberg.com