Dubs On Trial

by Ric Seaberg

Released 2005
Released 2005
Singin' 'n' Songwritin' in the tradition of Randy Newman, Warren Zevon, and Loudon Wainwright III
  • 03:55 Lyrics
    The Dry Cleaning Song

    I took my wife’s dry cleaning to the Goodwill store

    What a nice donation...there was jubilation

    When the cashmere sweaters that my wife adores

    Hit the sweater hangers of the Goodwill store

     

    There they were in the hallway....bagged up for the trip

    Twelve sweaters and dresses...Shoes bras and a slip

    “Take this one to sister’s house...Go by there first!

    Take the rest to charity...but not this one...

    Which belongs to me!”

     

    I took my wife’s dry cleaning to the Goodwill store

    What a nice donation...there was jubilation

    When the cashmere sweaters that my wife adores

    Hit the sweater hangers of the Goodwill store

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    I know that people make mistakes...everybody does

    But this might call for suicide...cuz when I saw those tears she cried

    I fought back the tears myself......actin’ mighty tough

    But she said she felt fine enough...

    Since I could buy her all new stuff!

     

    Chorus, then

    Last Chorus with changes, 

     

     

    I took my wife’s dry cleaning to the Goodwill store

    What a nice donation...there was jubilation

    Well I might be stupid but I’m not a bore

    And they sure do love me at the Goodwill store

     

  • 03:09 Lyrics
    Jesus Didn't Have A Car Payment Either

    (Companion song to "Jesus Didn't Have a Car" from Santa Monica CD)

    Workin’ like a dog in Bethlehem,

    No idea of things to come

    Carry that weight and lift that wood

    Later he’d be understood

    But in those days he couldn’t go far

    Since Jesus didn’t have a car

    Thank god for a little breather....

    Jesus didn’t have a car payment either!

     

    Jesus had a winning way

    People loved him from the start

    Drawn to Jesus, drawn to see him

    Put the horse before the cart

    But in those days beyond the star

    Jesus didnt have a car

    But way before the days of Caesar

    Jesus didn’t have a car payment either

     

    Jesus went from town to town

    Gathering a loyal flock

    He had money, love and praise

    And perfect credit all his days

    But there were no romantic drives

    No time to hug and squeeze her

    Cuz jesus didn’t have a car but...

    Jesus didn’t have a car payment either!

  • 03:10 Lyrics
    Sunspots

    He was payin’ his bills on the internet...when the

    Sun spots...sabotaged earth

    It was the biggest fire in recorded time, the biggest

    Sun spots in the universe

     

    Well he clicked to send all the bills he paid....that’s when his 

    Hard drive....stranded his purse

    It was the coldest freeze a computer’s known

    The coldest hard drive in the universe

     

    So that’s when he put his mouse away and he tried to call support

    But he couldnt get a dial tone

    You may not get to use the phone when 

     

    Sun spots create a mass ejection in the hot solar atmosphere

    Radiation is emitted all across the spectrum and the 

    Xrays end up here

     

    Solo

     

    Oh the radio waves in the radio stopped when the 

    Sun spots...vandalized earth

    And the banker said no, we can’t send your dough because the 

    Sun spots....are getting worse

     

    So that’s when he thought he might need a margarita

    And found the nearest bar

    But when he ordered his drink....the waitress smirked

    Our blender never seems to work when...

     

    Sun spots create a mass ejection in the hot solar atmosphere

    Radiation is emitted all across the spectrum and the 

    Xrays end up here

    Radiation is emitted all across the spectrum and the 

    Xrays end up here

    Woooooo

     

  • 04:29 Lyrics
    Maneater

    (Thought it might me funny to do a reggae version of this song so I could say "She's a monneater")

     

    She only come out’ anigh, deh lean a’hungry tyyyyype

    Nuttin’ idda new , I seen huh here befoe

    Watchin’ an’waitin’, ooooh she sitta witta you 

    buh her eye iss on deh doe

     

    So many day pay to see...whatchu thinka you getta foe free

    Deh woman issa wile, a she cat tame by deh purr offa jaguah

    Issa money dat matta, if you inna foe luv you ain’ gonna get to fah

     

     

     

     

    Oh here she come, watch out boy, she chew you up

    Oh here she come, sheese a moneateah (repeat)

     

    I wouldn’t iffa I were you, I know wha’shee can do

    Sheesa deadly mon, she could really rippa yo whirl apar

    mind ova  matta, ooohh deh beauty issa dare but da bease iss inn deh heart

     

    chorus

    solo

    chorus 4x

    second chorus - she only come outa nigh’

  • 03:51 Lyrics
    Next Time Mary

    I keep a telephone in my fanny pack

    I had to buy one after my heart attack

    I'm callin' triple A if I get a flat

    There is a special button designed for that

     

    I carry credit cards and some medicine

    I make too many stops at the ATM

    I got a fishin' license for Oregon

    I carry extra shades and a Leatherman

     

    I got my whole damn world inside of that purse

    No I don't keep a spare

    So when I leave it at your house next time…

    Please don't tell me….it's not there

     

    Chorus

    You gotta try a little harder next time Mary, try a little harder please

    Or you can tell my wife next time…YOU just lost the Volvo key, so

    Try a little harder next time Mary, I am down on my knees..

    Look a little further next time won'cha…try a little harder please

     

    Solo

     

    I got some fat-free candy and bubble gum

    I carry dental floss if yer needin' some

    I got some nice new checks in the marathon

    They got my first name right and my last name……wrong

     

    You gotta try a little harder next time Mary,. Try a little harder doll..

    Don' call me up to say you found it…

    After I've replaced it all!

    You gotta try a little harder next time Mary, I am down on my knees

    Look a little further next time won'cha, try a little harder, look a little further

     

    PLEASE!!!!

     

  • 03:33 Lyrics
    Sour Cream

    The food Lester loves......the artichoke

    Oat bran cereal, half ‘n’half

    The food Lester loves.....the barbecue

    Baby backs or a leg of lamb

    But whether breakfast, lunch or dinner

    There is one unbeaten winner.....

     

    Sour Cream! goes with anything you like to eat

    Sour Cream!  doesn’t matter if it’s savory or sweet!

     

    Nachos, cheesecake, Apple Strudel

    Chicken or Beef Burgundy

    Danish Pastry, Cheesy Blintzes

    Or your favorite fricassee

    In the borsch you make for grandad

    It’s one perfect saucy comrade!

     

    Chorus

    Solo

    Release

    Other condiments have style

    But nothing is so versatile

     

    Chorus then

    Last chorus

     

    Sour Cream! from Seattle to the Carribean

    Sour Cream!

    We prefer our grub with

    Sour Cream!

  • 03:35 Story Lyrics
    Dopamine!

    I love the NFL, I love the NBA

    I love to see one land in Frisco Bay

    I like to play to win, It fires up my brain

    I get a special high at the football game.....

     

    DOPAMINE!

    D-O-P-A-M-I-N-E

    Every time I scream

    Here comes the DOPAMINE!

     

    I love the Poker shows, I like the river card

    I like the rush I get when I win one hard

    I like to play to crush, I wanna wear the crown

    I get a royal flush when the chips are down....

     

    DOPAMINE!

    D-O-P-A-M-I-N-E

    When I’ m holdin’ queens

    Here comes the DOPAMINE!

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    Turn a monkey’s hormones loose....let’m win some apple juice

    Neuroscientists have seen....they begin to neurotransmit raging dopamine!!!!

     

    I like to make a bet on the superbowl

    I like to watch The Tide begin to roll

    I love t’see’m score...the juices start to flow

    A little knock-out punch...or a touchdown throw...

     

    DOPAMINE!

    D-O-P-A-M-I-N-E

    We won by seventeen

    Here comes the DOPAMINE!

    We're on the winning team!

    Here comes the dopamine, dopamine!

  • 02:48 Lyrics
    One Dog Night

    In trouble again. My baby was on attack
    I thought I might clean the fridge
    Pull out the yogurts in the back
    But I guess I was wrong. it turned into a big ol' fight
    Now that was a terrible day..
    And a one dog night

    In the den again-
    Just the two of us lickin' our wounds
    Sharin' a super-size, fightin' for sofa room
    It's a long way back..when your bark's as big as your bite
    Now that was a terrible day.....And a one dog night

    Solo

    Bridge
    Now there are times I would rather die
    But it's not my time to go
    Someone here still needs to fetch.
    So someone has to throw.

    Oh I wish I could say "I love you", just one more time
    Take her hand down a rocky road
    Tell her how blessed I am she's mine
    Go to sleep with a little laugh
    Wake up beside my wife
    Oh it's been a terrible day
    And it's a one dog night

  • 03:32 Download Lyrics
    Superbowl Andy

    There’s Fritos on the table, in a plastic football tray

    It’s the biggest sporting moment in the USA

    I call my buddy Andy, and I make all the food

    I greet him at the door and he yells “Dude!”

     

    Wearin’ a football helmet, with beers on the top                        

    So you can sip without your hands and don’t have to stop

    He puts a rack of Guinness… in the cooler by me

    I see his wife turn sideways and say to Marie…

    “I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy

    I’m not sure I like the way he behaves

    I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy at all”

     

    We’ve got blow up armchairs…inscribed with Miller Lite

    And Cheesehead hats we purchased from the Packer’s site

    But we prefer Seattle so we painted them blue

    Green Bay’s not our team but Cheeseheads rule!

     

    There’s hot and hotter hot wings, and dip t’cool’em off

    And then we like to drench’em in Tabasco sauce

    The girls are talking softly, when Andy hollers “SWEET!”

    He needs a small reminder so his wife repeats….

    “I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy

    I’m not sure I like the way he behaves

    I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy at all”

    Solo

    Bridge

    We get so excited when our team begins to score

    So I grab the football closest to the couch

    I send Andy long but then he trips and starts to fall

    I cringe in horror when he puts his helmet through the wall

    “Im not sure I like Superbowl Andy

    I’m not sure I like the way he behaves

    I’m not sure I like Superbowl Andy at all”

    Repeat with other voices

    We’re not sure we like  Superbowl Andy etc

     

  • 03:11 Lyrics
    Allergy Sufferer

    Allergy Sufferer.....you with the sneeze

    Allergy Sufferer.....you with the wheeze

    We can be sure you will.....remember to take your pill

    Or you’ll be suffering all day...

    Try to get lots of rest...at your computer desk...

    Allergy Sufferer

     

    Allergy Sufferer....you’re mad as hell

    Allergy Sufferer....when your tongue starts to swell

    So keep those carpets clean...t’keep all your histamine

    From getting a chance to make you ill

    But maybe that scone you tried...did have an egg inside

    Allergy Sufferer

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    Maybe you’re itchin’ so you start t’bitchin’ cuz it ain’t fun

    Gimme a jingle if you start to tingle when you’ve been stung

     

    Allergy Sufferer....I heard you got

    Allergy Sufferer...anaphylactic shock

    When you were driving home.....you popped a few prednisone

    Then took a turn for the ER

    Now you won’t forget again....to get a fresh Epipen...

    Allergy Sufferer

     

  • 03:23 Lyrics
    On The Tundra Tonight

    Grab a pick and a shovel

    A parka might be nice

    We found an ancient mammoth

    Buried in the ice

    Icefield in motion

    Hairdryer and tools

    No vodka while working

    You know that's against the rules

     

    (chorus)

    We are digging a hole 

    Pretty much by hand

    On Siberian soil

    Not a temperate land

    We are digging a hole

    To reveal the sight

    Of a hairy old beast

    On the tundra tonight

     

    The Discovery Channel

    Kinda blows my mind

    TV worth watchin'

    Most of the time

    There goes the chopper

    To the sound of cheers

    The Woolly Mammoth is waking up after

    Twenty thousand years

     

    We are digging a hole

    The size of a car

    Not a Beetle or a Beamer

    Or a Jaguar

    We are digging a hole

    To reveal the sight

    Of a hairy old beast

    On the tundra tonight

     

  • 02:32 Lyrics
    You Saved Me!

    You save condiment packets, and those twisty things on bread

    You save Atlantic Monthlys 'til I cannot see the bed

    We've got plastic bags and rubber bands to last a century

    And I'm forever grateful that you saved me.

     

    You save lilacs and roses.. you cannot bear to prune

    It's hard to find the sidewalk by the middle of june

    And every tag from every plant for eternity

    And I'm forever grateful that you saved me

     

    Bridge

    When I was lost you were there to show me the way

    While God was drinkin' coffee at the Campus Café

    And He prefers his brew at The Divinity School

    Says it on that t-shirt you bought in '72!!!!

    Solo

     

    You save your grandmother's glasses.. and her doilies full of holes

    Clothes that haven't fit since you were 18 years old

    And every rock and piece of wood you found by the sea

    And so you see I'm grateful that you saved me

  • 04:03 Lyrics
    When Bad Dreams Happen (To Good People)

    There I was mouth open, soundin’ like a frog

    Deeper than my fishin’ lake, in the land of nod

    And just when sleep is perfect, and I’m smashin’ down my hair

    A nightmare comes to wreck my night,

    And I’m so glad you’re there......

     

    When bad dreams happen to good people

    When monsters interrupt my sleep

    You awake to comfort me, and get me back on sheep

    When bad dreams happen to good people like me

     

    Solo

    Release

    When I’ve become the hunted, when the dogs get lost

    When they take me off to jail cuz they say I shot my boss

    When I freeze onstage and I forget my own song’s words

    That’s when you turn the light on so that I can rest assured

     

    When bad dreams happen to good people

    When my legs refuse to run

    You awake to take away the gangsters and their guns

    When bad dreams happen to good people like me

     

    When bad dreams happen to good people 

    When I have to stand and fight

    You awake to comfort me and then we say goodnight

    When bad dreams happen to good people like me

     

  • 04:00 Lyrics
    The Fundamentalist Gene

    Maybe the Republicans stole the election, maybe not

    I went down and made my selection, and got what I got

    But there’s a million people who believe

    There’s a vast conspiracy

    So they are marchin’ on to fight

    Further left than right of right

     

    But if you see black and white

    Shades of grey

    In between

    You weren’t born that way

    Yes if you see black and white

    Shades of grey

    In between

    Then you likely don’t posess

    the fundamentalist gene

     

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    Verse2

    They found a gene for predisposing cancer of the skin

    And pretty soon they’ll know if you should play the violin

    And there’s a gene for those whose quest is spiritual in kind

    And some will try to win you with a fundamentalist line

     

    Chorus

     

  • 04:25 Lyrics
    It's Available Now

    There was a special sale on beer that day, and she was settin’ up the rack

    She had a table full of chips and dip, so you could fill your sack

    She was just an actress, standing there beside the wines

    And when a customer would ask, she would say these lines....

     

    It’s available now.....not yesterday....

    There’s no limit to the beer that you can take away

    It’s available now, all you’ll ever need

    All coupons we allow....

    It’s available now

     

    It was a special sale on beer that day that was keeping her from tears

    She was trying to forget him just by sellin’ all those beers

    It was a case of being sorry.....for saying she’d be gone

    But as the customers filed by, she continued on.....

     

    Chorus

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    But when he walked into the grocery store, and found her with a kiss

    And said I cannot live without your love..... she replied with this.....

     

    It’s available now.....not yesterday....

    There’s no limit to the love that you can take away

    It’s available now, all you’ll ever need

    All coupons we allow....

    It’s available now

     

    Repeat Chorus, out

  • 03:50 Lyrics
    Everyday Is Christmas

    I love you on your birthday, as every year goes by

    I love you on St. Patrick’s...When there’s a rainbow passin’ by

    I love you on Thanksgiving, when football’s on TV

    But Everyday is Christmas, when you are here with me

     

    I love you on Columbus Day, when Fall returns again

    And later in October, when daylight saving ends

    I love you on Election Day, though we may disagree

    But Everyday is Christmas, when you are here with me

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    This year I filled packages, and dressed them up so nice

    Some are wrapped in red and green,

    Some in stars and stripes

     

    I love you when you’re absent, on Independence Day

    I say my prayers and promise....anything to keep you safe

    I love you on St. Valentine’s, the chocolate and chablis

    But Everyday is Christmas, when you are home with me

     

NOTES
"Dubs", (copies) of master recordings have tended to pile up, over the years, in prolific Ric Seaberg's "to be released" song portfolio. Love songs, songs of humour, songs from the brilliant and oft times quirky mind of a guy who wrote his first song in the third grade.

Having spent most of his adult life, after a stint as an almost famous rock star in the Northwest's popular 60s-70s band "The Morning Reign", owning and operating a retail bakery, Ric returned to songwriting and recording with a vengeance in 2001, and has since released five full-length CDs. And not all of the great songs, piling up in that portfolo, have made it onto one of Ric's previous sixteen song CD releases.

"Dubs On Trial" showcases sixteen great Seaberg tunes, previously passed by as CDs were assembled. "I keep a portfolio I have actually titled "Dubs On Trial", Seaberg says. We thought, let's just call the CD that, and then, maybe I'll get to wear one of those judge wigs!"

Visit Ric's blog at http://ricseaberg.blogspot.com/

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