Santa Monica

by Ric Seaberg

Released 2004
Released 2004
Intelligent quirky humor
  • 03:11 Lyrics
    Santa Monica

    Santa Monica, I have never been there, not to

    Santa Monica, only from my armchair

    It’s a city I can’t claim, but I truly love that name

    Oh Santa Monica’s not, my home town

     

    Santa Monica, I do know of a pier there, it’s called

    Santa Monica, maybe they make beer there

    I just thought that I would warn ya,

    I wasn’t raised in California

    Oh Santa Monica’s not, my home town

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    To all you Santa Monicans...I send a warm salute

    But I could never dwell there.....or my message would be moot!

     

    Santa Monica, many make their home there, it’s called

    Santa Monica, I would have to roam there

    Well it must get lots of sun

    And it sure rolls offa my tongue

    Oh Santa Monica’s not, my home town

    No, Santa Monica’s not, my home town

     

  • 04:59 Lyrics
    I See You Love Me

    You write…a pretty good letter….I see you love me

    And that you want to have my children….good idea….we’ll need some money…..I’ll need a vasectomy reversal….do you know a good surgeon?…

    What about your brother? I hear he’s damn good with a scalpel

    Let’s change the subject…..I prefer less planning…..you know the truth is honey….

     

    I love you too, I never thought that you would say it!!

    I appreciate your candor and I want to be your lover baby

    This is the news that I’ve been waiting for and I…..love you too

     

    Distance….has been a problem….we’re wasting postage….

    Although I like my postmaster…he’s got a nice family…sport utility vehicle

    And I believe thay are into religion…I think it’s a good thing

    And he loves his woman….they’re just a happy suburban couple

    But I think on Sundays,….we’ll stay in bed dear….

    And eat lox trim bagels

    Chorus

    Solo

    I still remember….your first two husbands….who didn’t treat you

    Like you deserve to be treated…so get ready baby

    I will be your warrior….and I know how to make pesto…but I’ll 

    Need some tickles…..and a lot of kissing

    My self-help books are history

     

    I love you too! I never thought that you would write it!

    I appreciate your ardor and I want to be your knight in shining

    You are the woman I’ve been waiting for and I….love you I

    Love you too!

    I love you!

  • 03:02 Lyrics
    Jesus Didn't Have A Car

    One child, born in a manger

    Destined to a life of danger

    Little is known of his childhood, well,

    There’s a few things we can pretty much tell

     

    Jesus didn’t have a car

    Jesus didn’t have a telephone

    Jesus didn’t have a car

    Or he mighta driven home

     

    One man, hammer and planer

    Teenage, cabinetmaker

    Haulin’ up wood to the cabinet shop

    Hurry up son we need another big block 

     

    Jesus didn’t have a car

    Jesus didn’t have a pick up truck

    Jesus didn’t have a car

    Or he mighta picked it up

     

    solo

    bridge

    Well all of a sudden he was healin’ the lepers

    And turnin’  the water to wine

    Raisin’ the dead and partin’ the waters

    Scarin’ the King, but on the bottom line....

     

    Jesus didn’t have a car

    Jesus didn’t have a Chevrolet

    Jesus didn’t have a car

    Or he mighta got away

    Jesus didn’t have a car

    Or he mighta got away

  • 04:52 Lyrics
    Food Chain

    I like a big fat juicy....juicy rib-eye steak

    I like t’see a 30 ouncer....restin’ on my plate

    That little place in our neighborhood sure does garlic butter good

    and when I go to scoop it out, that's when i start to think about the 

     

    Food Chain....we’re at the top of the food chain

    We decide with our big brain...who’s gonna die

    We’re top dog on the food chain, king of the gravy train

    I’m not trying to abstain, but the buck stops here on the food chain

     

    Gimme baked potato, to accompany my meat

    Load it up with bacon bits to make my meal complete

    Add a little appetizer, maybe hot wings for tonight

    But when I’m dipping in the sauce, I remember I’m the boss of the

     Chorus

    Solo

     Bridge

    Maybe next time I buy meat....I’ll get a little smaller piece

    Use my human intellect......show a little more respect for the

     Chorus

    repeat last two lines of chorus, out

     

  • 04:48 Lyrics
    The Family Asshole Void

    We were......never gonna be like daddy, never gonna hurt our mommy
    Never gonna be like dad
    We knew......when his temper started rising....time t?start compromising
    Time t?stay away from dad

    And when the moment came the volcano blew
    I would stand so close to you
    We would make it through the week, skipping stones on Coffee Creek....
    And when daddy died I felt relief, I am guilty of that sin
    But he was not a man for therapy, or medicine.....

    Chorus
    Oh how I wish we would have known that it was likely in his genes
    So brother do excuse me if I sometimes am annoyed
    Cuz you don?t have to be like him 
    And fill the family asshole void

    You were.....never gonna be a person, to let a situation worsen
    Never gonna be like Dad
    We knew.....when your temper started rising, 
    And you began your tyrannizing, 
    That you were gonna be like Dad

    And though we seldom see you blow your top
    The way Dad used to do
    I see your anger boiling deep inside, a skill for which I am qualified
    And when you leave my house I feel relief, I am guilty of that sin
    But you are not a man for therapy, or medicine

    Chorus
    Oh how I wish that you could see that it is likely in your genes
    So brother do excuse me if I sound bit like Freud
    But you don?t have to be like Dad
    And fill the family asshole void

  • 03:20 Lyrics
    No Testosterone Zone

    You’re not welcome here...this is not your crowd

    Ladies only son.......No boys allowed

     

    Chorus

    This is the no testosterone zone.... no testosterone zone

     no testosterone zone...

     

    A little Sunday omelette......a little time for fun

    No bachelor party.......you can’t come

     

    Chorus

    Bridge

    You know I travel with some very smart girls 

    And I love to see my crew

    We read a book that we must discuss...

    And you don’t have a clue!

     

    Wer’e goin down for waxin’......get our nails done right

    You better grab a Subway.....and stay home tonight!!

  • 03:43 Lyrics
    Summer of Alicia

    It’s been a long, long winter spring and now

    We have reached this place somehow

    Look at your roses and say WOW…..It’s my summer!

    Last year’s behind us now at last

    The future’s here it’s rich and vast

    I hope it doesn’t go by fast….this, your summer!        

    Interlude

    You’re and angel that sleeps right next to me

    When I look at you I see

    That God’s around and does provide us each other…

    We’re on the same side

     

    It’s the Summer Of Alicia

    It’s your summer!

    This, the Summer of Alicia

    It’s our summer!

     

    We’ll spend some time in the kitchen cooking

    Some time driving to the beach and looking 

    At the people driving by the coast and looking at us

    We’ll rent a video and maybe I’ll make some

    Popcorn with sour cream and onion

    You make my life complete , yes you do

    I can’t believe how much I love you

    I want to marry you and carry you

    Out in Nancy’s garden

    Go down to the river and see Mt. Hood

    And the boats go by….the people with their shorts so tight

    Chorus

    Fade on It’s your summer, It’s our summer

     

  • 03:23 Lyrics
    The Noise Pollution's Gone

    On Sunday when I wake up, at 5am no doubt

    I start a pot of coffee and I take the garbage out

    The birds are singing sweetly as I step around the toys

    And that is when ii say my prayers....before the city noise

     

    Then there are no cell phones, no horns t’blare

    No trains or factories, living in the air

    And there is no sound, of television on

    Sports, news or talking heads...

    The Noise Pollution’s Gone

     

    On Sunday when she wakes up, I hear her little walk

    Comin’ down the staircase, but she takes awhile to talk

    We walk about the garden where we create the art

    And as I turn to touch her..she kisses me...from her heart

     

    Chorus

    Solo

     

    Then there are no cell phones, no horns t’blare

    Bo trains or factories, living in the air

    And there is no sound, of television on

    Cuz when my sugar kisses me........

    The Noise Pollutiion’s Gone

     

  • 03:43 Download Lyrics
    Prayin' In The Tub

    I hear you’re cookin’ like a hippie chick…organic and freshly picked

    You been bakin’ your bread with bran…you been datin’ patchouli man

    I hear you meditate day and night…insense and candlelight

    You cross your legs before you start…I don’t make it quite that hard

     

    I say my prayers in the tub! I bless m’kids and all my friends

    And I know I’d be a better man, if you’d come home to me again!

    I tend t’focus on my rubber duck…how the last six months have sucked

    I think a lot about the woman I love, when I’m prayin’ in the tub

     

    I hear massage school might be next…kneadin’n muscles an’ twistin’ necks

    Playin’ new age music too….when your past life gets to you

    I hear you meditate night and day..ya got a buddah and a bell to play

    You like t’follow your psychic path…I prefer to wait for a bath

     

    I say my prayers in the tub!  I stretch out and count my sins

    And I know I’d be a better man…if you’d come home to me again

    I remember to help the weak…And how to turn the other cheek!

    I think a lot about the woman I love…when I’m prayin’ in the tub

     

    Solo

     

    I hear you meditate night and day…. And I miss you everyway

    I know you don’ wanna be here now…but I’m wishin’ for it anyhow

     

    I say my prayers in the tub!, and if I find the soap

    I take it as a sign that there might be a little piece of hope

    I have cleaned up my act, and I pray your heart will see

    You will find a better man if God would send you back to me

     

  • 04:21 Lyrics
    King Omega LTD

    He wasn’t rich.......he kep’ a messy pad

    Didn’t see him much...but he was my dad

    And when he died he did not leave me...that blue Kiwanis coat

    But I did become the owner of a 1980 boat!

     

    He didn’t leave me stocks or money

    He didn’t leave me racks of wine

    He didn’t leave a special father’s note, or literature behind

    He didn’t leave me safe deposits

    He didn’t leave me poetry.....

    He left a grey and rusty

    King Omega LTD

     

    The water in my trunk....added to my doubt

    I never did determine how to drain that ocean out

    It had a special combination

    Of fragrances inside

    Like circulated air conditioned smoke from Lucky Strikes

     

    Chorus

    Solo

     

    Bridge

    But things that we inherit, somehow bring up tears

    And I couldnt let the damn thing go for 12 or 13 years

     

    He didn’t leave me stocks or money

    He didn’t leave me racks of wine

    He didn’t leave his views on politics, for me to take as mine

    He didn’t leave me safe deposits

    He didn’t leave a dime to me.....

    He left a grey and rusty

    stinky musty

    Crown Victorian

    Dinosaurian

    King Omega LTD

  • 00:19
    Bacon
  • 03:33 Download Lyrics
    The Bichon Song

    We take our van when we go for a ride

    It's a full blown Astro with a lift on the side

    There's jus' one thing missin', one thing to get

    We need a puppy on board, we need a little white pet

    One a'those dogs with a great disposition….

    One a'those dogs would be a stellar addition!!!

     

    Chorus

     

    We need a Bichon Frise, We Need a Bichon Frise

    We need a Bichon Frise…on the motorway

     

    When you're through with the classified ads

    We'll stop at the store for some waterproof pads

    Buy a few, buy a box, maybe pick up a spare

    Just in case….later on…. we end up with a pair!!

    I'll change the tires, drive over the passes

    You walk the dog in your butterfly glasses…

     

    Chorus

    Solo

    Warm up the Chevy, put a new leash on

    We're hittin' the road with a lovable Bichon

    Chorus

    We got a Bichon Frise etc

    Ad lib

    We're cruisin' t Nashville, they're throwin' a bash filled with

    Bichon Frises, etc

  • 04:14 Download Lyrics
    Little Volvo

    Everybody sings about the fastest cars

    Like a little deuce coupe with a flat head mill

    But you shouldn’t drive fast in the neighborhood

    And what’s so cool about scoops on a hood?

    Squealin’ at the light sounds so damn great

    If the cops don’t see ya do it!

    Well before it starts I wanna stop the bleedin’

    My safe car was made in Sweden!

     

    Go little Volvo...... you got a fortified dash

    Go little Volvo...... you’re good in a crash

     

    Go Little Volvo......this cargo is precious to me

    Go Little Volvo......my son, the dogs and Marie

     

    That little Nash Rambler goes beep beep beep

    Cuz it goes so fast you gotta let it by

    People drive so fast, what are they thinkin’?

    You could get killed in some hot rod Lincoln!

    So... gimme a car with air bags front

    Air bags roof, air bags side

    I don’t car much about speed when I drive

    I just wanna get there alive!

     

    Go little Volvo.....I like the traction control

    Go little Volvo.....you’re not likely to roll

     

    Go little Volvo......crash dummy delight

    Go little Volvo......we are choosin’ life

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    Most of us appreciate greatly

    Your innovations in personal safety!

    go Little Volvo, you're Ecologically tight

    go Little Volvo, you're livin' up to the hype

    go Little Volvo, You're not that cheap

    go Little Volvo, and you're the safest car on the street!

     

  • 04:34 Lyrics
    Smelled The Spring

     

    In terms of all the senses, God’s proudest moment rose

    When he fashioned on the face of man...the power of the nose

    Just the fragrance of a daphne, tends to make me calm

    And when I pass by her perfume...... I can still see my dear mom

     

    Oh, I started smokin’ early, it was favored in my clique

    And I learned to love it somehow, determined not to quit

    But as the years went by I had to get a handle on that thing

    And it was such a revelation,

    When I finally smelled the Spring

     

    Chorus

    I smell chlorophyll a’risin’, in my neighbor’s new mown lawn

    When I walk t’get my coffee, in the peace before the dawn

    I can smell espresso brewing, a block before the store

    And in hail the pavement sweetens, like it never did before

     

    Bridge

    Well I used to smell the car exaust , rotten eggs and dirty clothes

    But only smells that made it through the smoke inside my nose

    Fish inside the garbage, sewage and a skunk...

    Lets just say the only things I smelled were things that stunk....

     

    Verse 3 

    Now I smell the summer waiting, in the breeze my curtains send

    And the cherry blossom special, which I highly recommend

    And the earth below the garden, and the flowers by the swing

    It was such a revelation

    When I finally smelled the Spring

     

    Chorus

    I smell chlorophyll a’risin’, in my neighbor’s new mown lawn

    When I walk t’get my coffee, in the peace before the dawn

    And I admit there’s days that I still miss my nicotine

    But I found a new addiction

    When I finally smelled the Spring

     

    Oh it’s just like second nature...

    Since I finally smelled the Spring

     

  • 03:23 Download Lyrics
    You Went Crazy

    You know I like it when you help

    You kknow I like it when you work

    You know I like it when you keep your head on straight

    so what happened to you?

     

    You know I like it when you cook

    You know I like it when you bake, now homey

    You know I like it when you pay your biills on tiime

    so what happened to you?

     

    You went crazy, crazy

    You went crazy

    I don’t love you no more

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    I don’t like it when you’re high

    I don’t like it when you lie

    You’re not my kinda guy anymore....

     

    You know I like it when you joke

    You know I like it when you sing, now homey

    You know I like it when you treat your mama right

    so what happened to you?

    chorus

  • 03:30 Lyrics
    Love Is What You Want (For Christmas)

    When Christmas comes and the lights go up

    And shops are showin’ their Christmas stuff

    Some people start dressin’ their puppies up 

    Red and green

     

    Shoppers try to avoid the rush

    And lines start formin’ at Toys’ r’ Us

    Just remember the greatest present of all....

     

    Love is, love is what you want to give

    Love is what you want to get

    Love is what you want

     

    solo

     

    bridge

    Now when you gather around the tree

    The children settled at your knee

    You just started your cup of tea

    When someone needs a battery

     

    When Christmas is over the lights come down

    Sales are bringin’ the prices down

    There’s no more carollers hanging’ round

    In the mall

     

    Now we brave the winter weeks

    With brand new coats and rosy cheeks

    But Christmas comes to give us peace

    All year long

NOTES
A well known Portland daily newspaper columnist once described Ric Seaberg this way: "In a kinder and gentler world, he would have been a rock star."

Ric was front man and lead vocalist for a band that was part of the unique Northwest Rock scene in late 60s & early 70s (that laid the foundation for what became grunge). The Morning Reign played in most large cities and small towns across the Northwest and opened for …
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