The Cutting Room Floor

by Ric Seaberg

Sometimes, even if you like a song, it somehow doesn't seem to fit on the CD you're making. So it ends up on the cutting room floor. Or maybe it's the cutting room shrine. Here is a selection of those songs from over the years:
  • 03:49 Story Lyrics
    A Certain Level of Luckiness (original version)

    When I met you, I was a broke down broken hearted middle age man

    I thought to get you, that I needed somethin better than an average plan

    But when I realized I didn't need a plan and you were gonna love me for who I am

    That's when I traded my schmuckiness, for a certain level of luckiness

     

    When I met you, I was a sad sack broken hearted lonely man

    I thought to get you, well It might not be enough that I was in a band

    But when I realized love was overdue and that you needed me jus like I needed you

    That's when lightning struck I guess, and a certain level of luckiness

     

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    And now the years have come and gone but I know I can carry-on

    Since you love me and you don't care, about those bald spots in my hair!

     

    When I met you, I told a story of bad love goin’ wrong

    And then I let you, know everything about me since I was born

    And that's the way love oughta be...It's like I won the lottery

    And drove away my loneliness, with a certain level of luckiness

     

    Yeah with a certain level of luckiness

     

    With a certain level of a'luckiness out

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  • 05:07 Lyrics
    Freaky Irrational Whiner

     

    She was a freaky irrational whiner

    He was a teacher at the school

    They drank a lot of wine on Sunday

    And then they lounged around the pool

    He kept his iPad on Wells Fargo

    So he could pay his bills on time

    Now they are both inebriated

    While he listens to her whine 

     

    And she'd say honey my coffee was cold today

    The flu I've been having won't go away

    All of the streets in this town are just hell

    The fridge is a mess, we'll get Taco Bell

    The kids all got cees on their cards again

    I thought Denise was my very best friend

    She is beautiful and he knows she's his

    But she's a whiner

    And that's how it is

     

    She was a freaky irrational whiner

    He was a part time volunteer 

    At the county fire department

    Where the guys would sit and leer

    When she would bring his lunch on Friday

    All the men would sit in line

    And feast upon her beauty

    While they listened to her whine

     

    And she'd say

    Traffic is nasty and parking is slim

    I walked several blocks with this Reuben for him

    Where did our summer go

    Then she would state

    It's getting dark early, sunrise is too late 

    How can you guys make these

    Fire trucks shine 

    Yet the bathroom downstairs has been hit with a mine

    She is beautiful and she loves the kids

    But she's a whiner

    And that's how it is

     

     

    Outro

     freaky freaky freaky

    Irrational whiner

    freaky freaky freaky

    Irrational girl 

    freaky freaky freaky

    Irrational whiner

    living in a rational world

     

    Harmonies and chase out

     

  • 05:00 Lyrics
    Burnin' Barbie Boxes

    I was havin’ dinner with the unit I call spouse

    When suddenly we smelled some funky smoke aound the house

    We put down our plates ... headed straight into the street

    T’see if there was someone with a chimney spewin’ heat

    Well we were not surprised t’see our neighbors on the right

    Smokin’ like a furnace so my wife piped up in spite

     

    They must be Burnin’ Barbie Boxes and some chunks of rubber hose

    Old prescription bottles and some dippy hippie clothes

    Wigs from 1960 and a leather catcher’s mitt

    Honey please go over there and tell’em all t’quit!

     

    I walked back into the house and drank a glass of red

    Usually I sip it but I guzzled it instead

    I smelled latex burnin’, from my easy chaiir

    I gathered up some courage and I marched right over there

    I knocked once, and then I heard the dogs begin t’bark

    And as the door came open I could see’m by the hearth

     

    Yeah they were Burnin’ Barbie Boxes and some chunks of rubber hose

    Right there in the fireplace where wood is spose’t’go

    Wigs from 1960 and some rummage sale gear

    Uniroyal, Firestone and possibly Goodyear

     

    Solo

    Release

    And then amid the squallor, I told’em I was sore

    And maybe you can tell this ain’t the holler anymore!!!!!

     

    You can’t be Burnin’ Barbie Boxes.....In the neighborhood

    Nothin’ cloth or rubber.....try t’stick with wood!

    Nose plugs work for swimmin’....not at suppertime

    So quit Burnin’ Barbie Boxes and we’ll

    Get along jus’ fine.....

     

  • 03:47 Lyrics
    An Angel on Paper

    She's an angel on paper, the talk of the town

    She's an angel on paper, if you wrote it down 

    She will fly to you're rescue, t'do her good part

    So an angel on paper, should not break my heart!

     

    She's an angel on paper with a list of to dos

    Take a grandpa to dinner, and shine all his shoes

    She will help in your garden, and weed out the chard

    And an angel on paper, should not break my heart!

     

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    When a friend is in trouble, broken and blue

    She'll be there to remind them

    That they will come through

     

    She's an angel on paper, when helping the folks

    Sing a song at the rest home and tell a few jokes 

    She's an angel on paper, right off the chart

    And an angel on paper......should not break my heart!

     

  • 03:12 Lyrics
    Home Again

    They said a change in the weather, was comin’ from the sea

    A hurricane called Katrina, was tellin’ us to leave

    Now it’s been four long days and we are without a crust of bread

    I know my baby is hungry, when she looks at me and says

     

    “When are we ever gonna get home again

    When are we ever gonna see all our friends

    When are we ever gonna get home again”

     

    I know the nation is watching, all safe by their TV

    We talk to lots of reporters, from FOX and NBC

    And when a boat comes by and we join other refugees

    Then I repeat the question, my daughter asked of me

     

    Chorus

    Bridge

    Now all you folks in TV land, to oceans white with foam

    We thank you for your kindness, and we are glad you have a home

     

    But we may never get to go hame again

    We may never get to see all our friends

    We may never get to go home again

     

  • 04:24 Lyrics
    Fade Away

    In this world of give and take

    of drive-ins, and drive thrus

    Wildest dreams get bought and sold

    and hearts can get abused

    well she came and went

    like some incidental summer wind

    jus’ blowin’ thru this land

    with my heart in her hand

    so i guess i’ll fade

     

     

    I thought she’d fall for me

    ive never been so wrong

    how was my impression of 

    what love is...so far gone?

    i believed in things

    that should have just passed me by

    like words spoke in passion

    or a look in her eye

    so i guess i’ll fade

     

    i made some mistakes

    when i let down my guard

    found out how the heart breaks

    on innocence boulevard oh yeah

     

    ive been holding on

    to something that doesnt mean

    anything anyway

    jus like a summer wind 

    just like a summer like a summer wind 

    i’m gonna fade

    i’ll fade away

     

  • 04:56 Lyrics
    The Colonoscopy Song

    My friend Tom says there

    Can't be a song about

    Takin' a peek at your gut

    But my friend Tom is

    Totally wrong cuz I

    Just had a scope up my butt

    Its a medical staple

    I guess I should feel blessed

    But maybe someday there will be a

    Less invasive test!

     

    Colonoscopy,

    NOW there is a song to sing

    While your doctor does his thing

    Colonoscopy,

    there could be a better way....

    to look inside of me

    Than c-o-l-o-n-o-s-coh-pee

     

    My friend Tom says

    There can't be a song about

    A colonoscopy

    But my friend Tom will admit

    He's wrong when he's watchin' the DVD

    Of my complete inspection

    On HDTV!

    Every corner clear and bright

    To the song he made me write!

     

    Chorus

    Solo

     

    I didn't mind the liquids

    No food for a day

    Bring on the morphine drip

    But sing me a tune while you're doin' it

  • 03:50 Lyrics
    Good Teeth

    I was standin’ with four women at a seminar

    Holdin’ forth about a guy I knew

    Well I must be entertaining when I jaw like that

    Cuz their smiles were all comin’ through

     

    I kep’ standin’ with four women at the seminar

    Holdin’ coffee and a legal brief

    Four successful women in their power suits

    And they all had perfect teeth!!!!

     

    Good teeth, good teeth....almost beyond belief

    That’s when I realized the world is your candy store

    If you only have good teeth!

     

    Well, braces cost a fortune and it must be hard

    For people with a jones for sweets

    Cuz discoloring enamel brings a lot less love

    than snickers and retreat

     

    And the truth remains that people go further fast

    With a smile and pearly whites

    All straight and uniformly settled in their mouth

    No over or under bites

     

    Good teeth, good teeth

    Consistent and complete

    I have realized the world is your oyster bar

    If you only have good teeth

     

    Solo

    There’s no moral to the story but the news ain’t great

    If your fronts are shorn or missin’

    Cuz in addition to acceptance that you won’t get....

    There won’t be corn or kissin’!

     

    Good teeth, good teeth

    Are brushed right after treats

    I have realized the world is a gourmet feast 

    If you only have good teeth

     

    Good teeth, good teeth

    South, North, West and East

    It’s a definite advantage if you are blessed

    With a mouthful of good teeth

  • 04:48 Download Lyrics
    Shop Vac

    We took the freeway out of town....we found a place to settle down

    We bought a driveway and a swing set and a dog

    You got your very own bathroom....I got my very own workshop in the basement

     

    We sit around staring at the wall-to-wall, take field trips to our favorite mall

    Waiting for the day when all the kids grow up and leave us here

     

    If you need me, I'll be downstairs, with the shop vac

    You can call but I probably won't hear you...because it's loud with the shop vac on

    But you'll be OK, ‘cause you'll be upstairs, with the TV

    You can cry and I probably won't hear you, because it's loud with the shop vac on

     

    We hung a flag above the door, checked out the gourmet grocery store

    I bought a mower I can ride around the yard

    But we haven't got real friends, and now the fake ones have stopped calling

     

    Maybe if you forget to hide the keys, I'll take a ride to Applebee's

    I'll come home drunk on daiquiris and throw up in the neighbor's pond

    chorus

     

    I like the Starbucks here that's better than the other one

    Because the other one's not as good

    They really need to put a light there cause it's hard to turn

    It's hard to make a left turn...solo

     

    And when it's time to go to bed...I'm still awake inside my head

    I'm floating up above the house and looking down

    I guess I gotta go back there, I guess there never was any other answer

     

    And as the freeway hums the cars go by, the headlights roll across the sky

    Many miles away but I can see them speeding through the dark

     

    chorus, out

     

  • 02:52 Lyrics
    I Can't Stay Mad at You

    You can make me cry
    You can break my heart
    But I’ll never say we’re through
    Even when I cry, I can’t stay mad at you

    You can run around
    You can tell me lies
    But there’s nothing I can do
    I’ll never say goodbye
    Cause I can’t stay mad at you

    I got mad at you last night
    When you were holding another girl tight
    But when I thought of all your charms
    I bounced back in to your arms

    One thing you’ll know for sure
    I won’t be the one to fall in love with someone new
    I’ll love you til I die
    And I can’t stay mad at you

    I bounced right back into your arms

    One thing you’ll know for sure
    I won’t be the one to fall in love with someone new
    I’ll love you til I die
    And I can’t stay mad at you

  • 03:38 Lyrics
    The Sweet Territory of Silence

    I had a job up the street today, somebody’s building a house

    I fixed the door and an old fence gate, no one ever lubricates!

    I ate my lunch on the backyard deck, while contractors broke up cement

    And as I sat with food and drink I could not hear my own self think

     

    I need some sweet sweet territory some sweet territory 

    I need some sweet sweet territory ....some sweet territory of silence

     

    I rode the bus into town last week my telephone’s on a losing streak

    Was hoping they'd replace it free, and give a brand new phone to me

    And as I walked inside the store, three hundred voices maybe more

    Asking questions about their toys, why do they have to make such noise?

    Chorus

    Solo

    Maybe there's a place for me where quiet is the norm

    Cuz when the decibels exceed, that's the real estate I need

    Chorus

  • 03:46 Download Lyrics
    It Smells Like Money

    She was 25 in 63.....with 5 young kids includin’ me

    We would watch til’ 9 or 10...when Mom would drive the Chevy in

    I used to hear our friends next door say “Lorrie

    Quit that job or you’ll be sorry....

    You spend too much time down there....breathin’ in that toxic air”

    Mom would laugh and close one eye....and this was her reply......

     

    It jus’ smells like money...like clothes and school supplies

    Maybe it’s not the best it can be

    But it smells like money to me

     

    Laney went to Idaho, Julie lives in Spain

    Jimmy has a sailboat, and Kimmie grows our grain

    And before she died our dear Mom, Lorrie

    Had our baby brother Cory...but Cory did not get to stay

    And never heard our mother say

     

    Chorus

    Bridge

    I drove out to see the place where Mother used to work

    The land is bare, where Mom had been

    I swear I heard her whisperin’

     

    It jus’ smells like money...now you go climb a tree

    Maybe it’s not the best it can be..

    But it smells like money to me

     

    It jus’ smells like money...like pizza and TV

    Things we need don’t come for free

    And it smells like money to me

     

  • 02:16 Lyrics
    I Love This Day

    I Love my husband, I love this game, I love Lamar, I love my nanny

    I love gymnastics, I love Crossfit, I love Costco, I love this day

     

     

    I love the way my little girls look at me, morning noon and night

    I love the way my sweetheart cooks with me, and helps me with the tykes

     

    I love coffee, I love puppies, I love soccer, I love sports

    I love my mother, I love my sisters, I love my brothers, I love this day

     

     

    solo

    lift

     

    I love the garden, I love learning, I love dining, paleo

    I love Seattle, I want my Sonics, love me some hoops, and 

    I LOVE THIS DAY!!!

     

  • 03:51
    Have You Been Listening?
  • 04:14 Download Lyrics
    Waitress Knows My Name

    Livin in a small town

    Is what I like

    Shop in the daytime

    Nothin's open at night

    Runnin in the fast lane

    Was drivin me insane

    Now I get up and go to work

    Waitress knows my name

     

    There's chicken dinner at the grange hall

    Barbecued meat 

    Three ninety five for

    All you can eat

    Runnin in the fast lane

    Was drivin me insane

    Now I get up and go to work

    Waitress knows my name

     

    (bridge)

    Bring me some biscuits and gravy

    Fried eggs and ham

    I like my buns toasted

    I'm a cheeseburger man

    I got friends at the café

    Helmer and Joe

    That Bobby don' know nothin

    About politics though!

    (solo)

    (bridge)

     

    Livin in a small town

    Is what I like

    We work hard to survive and it

    Suits me just right

    Runnin in the fast lane

    Was drivin me insane

    Now I get up and go to work

  • 03:32 Lyrics
    I Refuse to be Cocky

    My Professor Morris, back in my college days

    Said I aced her physics class, I had earned an “A”

    I said I did try hard this time, I never was behind...

    But I refuse to be cocky, cuz she might change her mind

     

    My sister is a sweetheart, not meant to be a snob

    When she got rich she never told me, get a real job

    She gave me her old car for free, but nothin’ has been signed

    So I refuse to be cocky, cuz she might change her mind

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    Sometimes disappointment

    Touches every man

    But I won at the game of love

    Slam dunk! thank ya’mam

     

    And when I finally found her, waiting just like me

    For love and understanding....and a little poetry

    She says she will love me with forever underlined

    And refuse to be cocky, but she won’t change her mind

    Yes I refuse to be cocky, but she wont change her mind

     

  • 04:41 Download Lyrics
    Wedding Cake Nightmare

    I sold my bakery several years ago, after 20 years making cake

    I got up early to mix the dough, 20 years is a very long show

    We made a lot of cakes that were thought of well

    unless you are the mother of the bride from hell

    Whoops I'm having another wedding cake nightmare

     

    Napoleons, maple bars, and scones

    Snickerdoodles and gingerbread homes

    Flour, sugar, chips and honey

    Sell more cookies and make more money

    Don't wanna to ruin any wedding plans

    Like if the pillars break or the fountain jams

    Whoops I'm having another wedding cake nightmare

     

    And once I delivered to a church in the hills

    A trip I will never forget

    And when I left the van in an open state

    A dog or something ate the cake

     

    Oh I still dream about the mishaps then

    And then I make some new ones up

    We ran out of sugar, the icing is not made

    The cake just fell, but that's not all

    This is the wrong reception hall

    Whoops I'm having another wedding cake nightmare

     

    Repeat out 

     

  • 03:23 Lyrics
    My Celebrities

    He was standing there, just standing there 

    like a bump on a log jus lookin down

    he was standin there, just standin there,

    but I didn't say a thing

    He's a sensational American talk show host

    That's his claim to fame

    He was a quiet sort

    And really short

    And Cavett is his name

     

    He was standin there, just standin there 

    backstage at a gig

    He was standin there, just standin there, 

    also not very big

    It was American rock star icon Jim

    Morrison by me

    Just before he died

    I looked into his eyes

    But there was no repartee 

     

    Solo

    Bridge

     

    And once in Seattle at a restaurant

    Speaking French to lady at a table nearby

    I Thot I recognized the man that's all

    Out waiter said its Gore Vidal !

     

    Joanne Worley, Bobby Sherman, Sajid Kahn and Tommy Boyce 

    Mark Lindsay, Willy Nelson 

    Who was wearing a rhinestone cowboy suit

    They were standin there, just standin there

    My celebrities

    They were standin there, just standin there

    Cuz they’re jus like you an me

    Desi Arnaz, Eric Burden

    My celebrities

    They were standin there, just standin there

    Cuz they’re jus like you an me

  • 04:35 Lyrics
    She is Missing Eugene

    There is a coffee shop in her favourite part of her favourite town

    That’s where she goes to drink, thats where she goes to think

    When she’s feeling down

    And there’s the campus store where she met him

    By the mascot rack

    And when she thinks of him she can still see him in that

    Silly mascot hat

     

    Chorus

    There’s no town, like the town you were born in

    The one that brought you in

    And there’s no town, like the one you adopt

    The one you’re livin in

    But he’s not there, he can’t be there to hold her

    He’s got work to do

    And as she walks through town,

    In a sea of green

    She is missing Eugene

     

    He’s in a battle zone but he’ll be comin home to his favourite town

    He’s gonna fish in the lake and put on some weight 

    In his favourite town

    He’s gonna put his feet back on the ground

    And get his ducks in a row

    He’s gonna hold her tight and tell her she’s right

    and never let her go

     

    Chorus

    Solo

     

    There’s no town, like the town you were born in

    The one that brought you in

    And there’s no town, like the one you adopt

    The one you’re livin in

    But he’s not there, he can’t be there to hold her

  • 03:55 Lyrics
    Jerk Coffee

    I love my Java Man Coffee...Michael and the crew

    I go there every mornin’ for my favorite brew

    Well every shop is tryin’ t’make a special concoction

    T’set apart their coffee venue

    So here’s a new on for the menu!

     

    I’m gonna make Jerk Coffee!...whad’y’a think?

    Herbs and spices blended in espresso drinks

    Salt and garlic, smoky flavors, sittin’ in your cup

    I’m gonna make Jerk Coffee, to wake yer ass up

     

    Forget the slushees, if you want a thrill

    This train won’t be stoppin’ in Margaritaville

    I got peppers from Pomona I have ground into dust

    You will be reborn Jamaican...when ya taste my new sensation!

     

    Chorus

     

    There’s jes nothin’ better when you get outa bed

    When you still got too much heavy rum in your head

    When you see that steam arisin’..at six o’clock

    Come around and tell me if ya like extra hot!

     

    Now I’m makin’ Jerk Coffee, I can’t keep up

    The local paper wants my recipe for this stuff

    But see, Ya have t’come t’me...if you want a cup

    Cuz I’m makin’ Jerk Coffee, t’wake yer ass up!

     

  • 03:49 Lyrics
    My Best Work

    When you tell me you love me, I feel it right in my bones

    Like a man’s ancient calling, to not be alone

    I feel strong and protective, brave and alert

    And when you tell me you love me, then you get my best work

     

    When you tell me you need me, I feel it deep in my heart

    And I believe I can help you, when life gets too hard

    The hell with pop gurus, their co-dependency murk

    Cuz when you tell me you need me….then you get my best work

     

    My Best Work, means holding you tight

    And caressing your forehead on the couch every night

    Oh I’ll do anything baby, to save you from hurt

    You’ve got the heart of this man and you get

    My Best Work

     

    Solo

     

    My Best Work, means loving til dawn

    Making your dinner honey….and mowing the lawn

    It means lots of eye contact, and a kiss for dessert

    And when you tell me you love me, then you get

    My Best Work

     

  • 03:25 Lyrics
    Hopes and Dreams

    I hope that you love me

    And I dream that you do

    When I'm out on the road well

    I'm dreaming of you

     

    I hope that you miss me

    And I dream of a day

    When I'll be in Portland

    Not Monterey

     

    Chorus

    You're all my hopes and dreams

    Wrapped into one

    Every last one a'them

    Under the sun

    Yes I dream we're together

    That's what I hope

    And when I'm so far away love

    That's how I cope

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    Well today and tomorrow

    There is so much to do

    And my hopes and dreams for now and then rest with you

     

    Verse 2

    Well the rain in our home town

    Gets a lot of bad press

    But all the green in our back yard

    Makes me feel blessed

    And I dream of my chair there

    And holding your hand

    Sipping our coffee

    And being your man

     

    Chorus twice

  • 04:29 Lyrics
    The King of Wishful Thinking
    I don't need to fall at your feet
    Just cause you cut me to the bone
    And I won't miss the way that you kiss me
    We were never carved in stone
    And If I don't listen to the talk of the town
    Then maybe I can fool myself
    I'll get over you I know I will
    I'll pretend my ships not sinking
    And I'll tell myself I'm over you
    Because I am the king of wishful thinking
    Because I am the king of wishful thinking
    I refuse to give into my blues
    That's not how its gonna be
    And I deny the tears in my eyes
    I don't wanna let you see, no
    That you had made a hole in my heart
    And now I've got to fool myself
    I'll get over you I know I will
    I'll pretend my ships not sinking
    And I'll tell myself I'm over you
    Because I am the king of wishful thinking
  • 03:34
    Knocks the Heart
  • 03:35 Lyrics
    That's How You Know

    If you wanna make somebody feel bad

    How do you know when you do it?

    If you wanna make somebody feel sad

    How do you know when you do it?

     

    Cuz they cry, cry, cry, cry...

    It’s a good sign that you’ve messed with their mind

    Yeah they cry, cry cry cry...

    That’s how you know when you’re done

     

    If you wanna make somebody think your nuts

    How do you know when you do it?

    If you wanna make somebody hate your guts

    How do you know when you do it?

     

    Cuz they cry, cry, cry cry

    It’s a good sign you’ve crossed over the line

    Yeah they cry, cry, cry, cry

    That’s how you know when you’re done

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    Then as you return from where your demons lurk

    That’s when you realize you’ve been a jerk

    And even though you may believe in the stars

    This time you cannot blame Venus and Mars

     

    If you wanna make somebody love again

    How do you know when you do it?

    If you want them to trust you and be your friend

    How do you know when you do it?

     

    Cuz they cry, cry cry cry

    It’s a good sign you got lucky this time

    Yeah they cry, cry cry cry

    That’s how you know when you’re done

    Yeah they cry, cry, cry cry

    Its a good sign you got lucky, Einstein

    Yeah they cry, cry, cry cry

    That’s how you know when you’re done

     

  • 02:43 Lyrics
    Don' Make Me Play FarmVille

    Don' make me play FarmVille, don't make me play monopoly

    Cuz when I'm campin' in Prineville, I'm not goin' t'Swineville

     

    Don' tell me on Facebook, I need t'play me some FarmVille

    You can put your FarmVille, where the sun don't shine

     

    It's a popular Internet game, and good folks who are normally sane

    Get addicted so they want me to play, I'd rather self flagellate any day

     

    Solo

    It's a popular Internet game, and good folks who are normally same

    Send a message to get me to play, I'm not religious but I might have to pray

     

    That you won't make me play FarmVille, Pinochle or checkers

    I kinda like a little cribbage, It's mathematically interesting

     

    But don't make me play FarmVille, cuz I have to go fishin'

    Yeah when I'm campin' at Prineville, I'm not goin t'Swineville

  • 04:14 Download Lyrics
    Don't Know What You Got (2004 version)

  • 06:07 Lyrics
    Ojai

     

    Ojai  (Jonathan Mann)

     

    She's got nothing in her heart.....She's got nothing in mind

    She's sure to knock em dead ........ it's just another Saturday night In Ojai

     

    She's got a bone to pick with him . he hasn't held her in 6 months

    We used to envy her  She was insatiable once In Ojai

     

    bridge

    What an entrance  Every head turns   She's wearing her black dress now

    With a head move  She can cut you........well I still pity her anyhow

     

    chorus

    Cuz this is all she's got ..... And she's so, so scared

    Could be a big blood clot.......or  slipping down the stairs in Ojai 

     

    She quits smoking every week  she's doing yoga by the pool

    She's listening to Neko Case  She's trying so hard to be moved In Ojai 

     

    She's sick of all the sun.....prefers anything to this

    Rain or snow or sleet or hail.... But it's nothing but sunshine'n bliss in Ojai

     

    bridge

    Just beyond those hills..... lies a whole new world

    She's just gotta do something drastic

    She's getting in her car........ All the pomeranians bark

    The Rolling Stones on the radio And she blasts it

     

    cuz it's all she's got....here on the 101

    she hears applause ........ she's gonna get as far away as she can

    from Ojai

    Repeat chorus, out

  • 04:04 Lyrics
    I Can Love You and I Can Hate You

    I Can Love You and I Can Hate You

    Jonathan Mann 

    Published on Oct 20, 2013



    There's a couple arguing in the bagel shop... It's the first real day of fall
    They got suitcases and backpacks on It sounds like they hit the wall
    Oh lordy it sounds like they hit the wall

    You're the one that's being insensitive
    Yeah but you're just not understanding

    He gets up and walks away....she's left with no words to say
    And I wish you were there with me
    So I could tell you how I know we'll be
    Cuz I can love you and I can hate you and I can love you
    And I can hate you (repeat)

    My shrink always told me that arguing.....was necessary and good
    Better to let each other know how you feel....than to keep it all under the hood...

    Oh lordy don't keep it all under the hood

    Well I've been afraid to say how I feel....In a way that's forceful and strong
    But now I say that I'm not scared.... t’yell real loud into the air
    We get mad and then we laugh........ It's all part of what we have

    What is it about being out in public.....that makes couples fight?
    We always seem to be waiting for the subway when somethin’ jus doesn't seem right
    Oh lordy when somethin’ jus doesn't seem right

    Oh I get the feeling down in my stomach you go quiet and won't look at me
    By the time the train comes it's obvious that it's nothin’ at all whatever it was
    And suddenly you're in my arms n’ I'm singing this song to you

  • 05:28 Story Lyrics
    I Love To Vomit

    I Love To Vomit

    Copyright Ric Seaberg 2011

     

    I like to go to a park I know and walk around on my hands

    I like to sit on a stuffy plane when

    I'm flying home from Japan

    I never wash the germs from my skin

    When I've used the loo

    And once I ate a mint I dropped

    That landed by some poo

     

    Cuz I love to vomit, I love to hurl

    Yes I Love to vomit....vomit's number one in my world

     

    Washing my hands takes way too much time

    There's more important things to come

    I like to eat all the pot luck food

    When it's set too long in the sun

    I say t'ya giardia is just around the bend

    And other types of bacteria

    Are surely my best friend, when

    Chorus

    Rise

     

    Forget plain soap, and soap on a rope

    Hand sanitizer's dumb

    Oh I'm doin' flips, when I'm blowin' chips

    What could be more fun, cuz

     

    Cuz I love to vomit, I love to hurl

    Yes I Love to vomit....vomit's number one in my world

     

    Repeat out 

    Rap

    When you're really in luck 

    It's time t upchuck

    Drink water in the pool

    Regurgitatins cool

    Here's some more tips

    Lick your dog on the lips

    Eatin what he's snarfin could lead to you barfin 

    What's all a yer chatter

    It really doesn't matter

    Whether or not

    You drink somebody's pop

    When the flu comes t' town

    Pass it around!

    It's gum, just do it!

    Pick it up and chew it

    What's totally cool is the 5 second rule 

    Eat a lotta fries

    Then go on some rides

    What’s the fuss?

    The porcelain bus

    is yours t’drive

    Sakes Alive!

    When ya feel queasy

    It’s so easy

    t’forget the blues!

    Ralph on your shoes!

    Get down, get funky

    Blow a little chunky!

    I know you're on it

    Cuz u love t’vomit!!!!!!!!

  • 06:35 Lyrics
    Good Guys Don't Wear White

    I'm a poor boy born in the rubble
    And some say my manners ain't the best
    And some of my friends, yeah, they've been in real trouble
    And some say I'm no better than the rest
    But tell your mama and your papa
    Sometimes good guys don't wear white, yeah

    Every day baby, I work hard
    And it's true at night, I spend a restless time
    But those rich kids and all that lazy money
    Can't hold a candle to mine
    So tell your mama and your papa
    Sometimes good guys don't wear white

    Good guys bad guys which is which
    The white collar worker or the digger in the ditch
    Hey, and who's to say who's the better man
    When I've always done the best I can

    bad words and dirty minds
    N'all those messed up chicks of the changin' times
    White pills and easy livin'
    Can't replace the love I've given
    So tell your mama and your papa
    Sometimes good guys don't wear white


  • 04:00
    Love Will Come Through
  • 03:38 Lyrics
    Memories of Loving You

    Let’s talk about email....you sent after we met

    You said some thngs that warmed my heart, I never will forget

    And when you said you want to love somebody....more than life itself

    That’s when I began to think......maybe I could help!

     

    Those are my memories, sweet memories, memories of loving you

    Those are my memories, sweet memories, memories of loving you

     

    I was so damn happy, when you said you’d be my bride

    Down beside the rushing pool, and when we both had cried

    then we shared a can of cola, with kisses in between

    And when our lips were through you said

    “I’’m takin’ you off caffiene!”

     

    Those are my memories, sweet memories, memories of loving you

    Those are my memories, sweet memories, memories of loving you

     

    Solo

    Bridge

    I remember watching you, walking down the aisle

    In the garden by the riverview

    And when our friends forgot the words to our beloved song

    I said “”who wants to kill these guys?” and you said “I do!”

     

    Those are my memories, sweet memories, memories of loving you

    My cherished memories, sweet memories, memories of loving you

  • 04:31 Download Story
    Tupelo Honey (for Marie, Mother's Day 2007)
  • 09:51 Story Lyrics
    Long Hair

    Long Hair

    Ric Seaberg 

    It seems ridiculous now, but there was a time, in these here United States, when having long hair, if you were a guy, was dangerous. It all started with the Beatles, and some of those San Francisco bands, those pot smokin’ hippies, gettin’ stoned, growin’ their hair long, and singin’ songs about peace and love, what a bunch. 

     

    In Salem, Oregon, where several members of my old band, “The Morning Reign” had attended Willamette University, guys with long hair were few and far between. But in the band, not to be outdone by those Frisco outfits, our hair was going south. Toward the nape of the neck, and then further, God forbid, to shoulder length, seldom seen on the streets of the Capitol.

     

    When we were all together, performing, or doing things bands do, like eating at Denny’s, or picking up guitar strings at the music store, it wasn’t a problem. But go to Denny’s by yourself, in Salem, or say, a smaller city nearby, like Silverton, or Gervais, and you were taking your life in your hands. Older men, especially, didn’t like the long hair look, and derogatory comments were usual. And not always little digs like, “Hey girly, you need a haircut”, but a few times, “Hey Bob, i see you got your knife there on your belt, whad’ya say we take this little girly man out back and cut his hair for him”, that kind of thing, sorta scary. And during a meal at a Chinese restaurant with my former spouse, and my baby daughter Stacey, who was in a high chair, a man came right up to the table, and told me “you look fuckin’ ridiculous.Get that hair cut, before somebody does it for ya.’’”

     

     

    Once, during a recording session in Seattle at Jerden Records, the six of us left the studio for lunch, sporting our Beatle cuts. Walking under the monorail,  looking for a lunch counter, we passed a middle aged woman, walking with a friend. She was well dressed, a shopper. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide, and she did a little back-step, and said disgustedly, seriously, loudly, to make her point, while spying us all......” Whellllllll! How close is this to the cannibals?” Now, something like that, you just don’t forget. It was funny, sure, but who likes to be put down like that, really?

     

    It pissed me off. But what are ya gonna do? We were sort of into the tie dye, head band, pot smokin’ peace and love groove ourselves, so I guess we should have expected some flak. But truly, we were all very nice boys in our early twenties, educated, kind-hearted. I, myself, was already a concerned parent, and completely smitten by my baby daughter.

     

    Many times, traveling around Oregon, Washington, California, or Idaho, we would arrive in some small town, to play a gig, early. Once, in Roseburg, Oregon, about 1969, we arrived early, and found a park, mid-town, to consume our Herfy’s Burgers we had just bought, relax, and toss the frisbee. A few other kids were in the park, just hanging out. Some were watching us play frisbee. Suddenly, two uniformed Roseburg Police officers approached. We first watched them tell a young couple who had been smooching nearby, “Okay, if you kids wanna trade spit, you’re gonna have to do it somewhere besides this public park”, and then, made the boy fork over his cigarettes. I believe one of our band members was just dumb enough to say something to one of the cops, about their treatment of those kids. It was, I think, what they were hoping for. And so suddenly we were engulfed in a very heated conversation with those two cops, both young, and as I recall, the most vocal of the two of them was a very small man. At some point, he barked, “Well, could your van there stand the vacuum cleaner test?”, meaning, he could vacuum out our van, looking for pot, and bust us. Hello, Mom, Dad? We just signed a recording contract with Capitol, and, uhhh, we're in jail. So we stood there, trying to make some ground with these police officers , saying that we were just people like them, it’s not right to pick on us just because we have long hair, and telling them that they were wrong to harrass us, why would they? “Because you put on the uniform, so you have to wear it”, the small cop shouted, all lathered up, red-faced and angry  “and I have seen your kind lyin’ in a gutter and shittin’ on themselves and pissin’ on themselves”.  It was unsettling.

     

    But not quite so unsettling, to me anyway, as when a similar early arrival in North Bend, Oregon, could have resulted in injury. One of the guys in the group had driven to the gig in his convertible GTO, and so, after our requisite meal at some greasy spoon, we six decided to check out the town in his car, top down. No sooner had we left the parking lot, than we had a doorless jeep on our tail, loaded with youngish and drunkish North Bendians. “Hey, pull over hippies!” the driver yelled. We drove on. “Hey ya motherfuckin’ hippie faggots, pull the fuck over”, again and again. And when that didn’t work, “C’mon you guys, we just want to talk to you”. We kept driving. They would try to cut us off. They would jump out of the jeep when we would come to an intersection, or red light. But at every stop, we were able to drive on. Finally, when they’d had enough, they started to hurl the contents of their jeep at us, which included, among other things, several huge steel wrenches, which hit and damaged the car. It was a sight to see that shiny railroad adjustable wrench sitting on the GTO’s black trunk, inches from my head. We ended up driving to the Police Station, which one of the guys had spotted during our sightseeing, and we basically stayed there until we could get into the venue to set up our equipment. 

     

    That there was a time when long hair could get you in trouble seems so silly now, since one can’t go to the mall without seeing at least one person with full body tattoos, or someone drippin’ with body piercings. In my neighborhood, the Hawthorne area in Portland, anything goes. To tell you the truth though, if I had piercings and tatoos and maybe pink spiked hair, like you can see around here any day, I’d still drive right past Roseburg.

     

     

     

     

     

  • 04:53 Story
    I Love You Too
  • 08:20 Story
    Christmas Day 1949

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