All About the Icing
June's the time I get to cheer!
My own fine Birthday Month is here.
My kids bring gifts-we make cool food-I sit and cherish all my brood.
My friends stop by and leave a wish-I serve'm up some stunning dish....
Like strudel with chicken, cheddar, spices...
We drink and share our favourite vices.
Then, when we've had all we can take...
We sing a tune and cut the cake.
The texture's fine, the icing: GREAT!
I grab a piece 'fore it's too late.
I gloat at my dear friends cake-tripping..
Their flying forks and fingertipping.
Yes, I've tried 'em all, New York, in Spain...
In San Francisco, Paris, Drain.
But when I want the best--no fakery...
I buy one at my own dang bakery.
Kudos to Step-Dad From Real- Dad
When we first met I must admit I raised one eyebrow high.
My ex-wife's beau….My heart said NO!
You cannot like this guy!
Then as I watched you drive away
With wife, and my kids, Dad-
I'll cop to my perception that you must be someone bad
Now time has passed and you're still there
My children grown before you.
And I give thanks, for I have seen Them love you and adore you.
For in Life's Broadest Picture, you've been my ally, friend.
You've done my parenting for me
When I could not attend.
Now motherhood's the Greatest Task
A woman can perform-
And if we lovers make good Dads we help them brave the storm.
So thank you from the bottom of my heart-- you've my esteem!
You've given of yourself-a crucial member of the team!
You've stood your ground on issues
In the absence of my spirit.
You subbed for me, and listened when you did not want to hear it.
So, Step-Dad, Real-Dad Kudos!
Proud men salute you, dude!
Good Kharma lives in guys like you - In me, deep gratitude.
With special thanks and appreciation to Ken Gallagher
I was not ready for you to die like that.
I have always known that you were fragile, and might be short lived.
That I might outlive you.
But I was not ready for you to die like that.
You. You with your everyday happy.
Your everyday smile. Your giggle.
Your teasin' right back in my face. Your fucking opinions about sports not jibing with mine.
I took you to your doctors and after drinking our hot drinks in the lobby,
carried your paper appointment reports to the van.
They piled up on the passenger seat. I knew you were fragile.
But I was not ready for you to die like that.
I nearly croaked in double aught
The farm for sale, and almost bought!
And all those years I rose at 3...
Irrelevant...but wait, you see…
I drove myself (it was much quicker)
And in ER they fixed my ticker
Tonight I scooped up foil wrappers
Off the carpet, since the yappers
Found them scrunched upon the table
And pulled them down because they're able
The fragrant chocolate residue
Is something that they must review
And crawling round upon my knees
I heard myself say "Honey please!
Feel free to fix your chocolate jones
But give these wrappers better homes"
Which led me to begin to think
About those treats like cocktail drinks,
Doughnuts, pastries, cakes and pies,
Naughty foods like shakes and fries
And I would say with all my heart
We must allow the mousse and tart
Cream puff, Danish, rich ganache
To be the foods we sometimes nosh!
Moderation, yes!, for sure
But never let your diet blur
Some pure enjoyment of these sweets
For one day, when your life completes
You may just want to look back then
And gratefully remember when
You went ahead and broke some laws
And chowed that quart of Haagen Dazs!
1. It is best to be kind to everyone. You might sometimes find yourself caring more about yourself than others. Try to resist that. Give more. Especially to the infirm or disabled.
2. Work hard and get a lot of shit done. It'll give you confidence and set an example. And all that shit'll be done.
3. It is not wise to jump bones on your friend's wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend. You'll make someone you care about feel terrible and lose faith.
4. It is a really good idea to plant trees. So if you have room, plant some. But make wise variety choices. Like don't plant an apple tree in your parking strip.
5. Drive safely. You wouldn't want to kill someone who doesn't deserve to die. Like don't drive when it's icy, and NEVER follow too close.
6. If you are a carnivore, it is best to be thankful for the meats you eat and support efforts for ethical treatment of animals that we eat. Show some respect for the gift of meat.
7. When you borrow money, a tool, something, return it ASAP. It is fine to borrow. It is not fine to not return what you borrow.
8. If you are charged with taking your wife's laundry to the cleaners, don't take it to Goodwill by mistake.
9. Everyone should know how to make a decent Pizza from scratch.
10. Play sports and encourage children to play sports. Sports teaches so much about getting along with others and coping with disappointment.
11. It is best to not gossip, and to not be unfairly critical of others. Like never say, "you drink too much coke that's why you're fat". People can figure that stuff out on their own.
12. It is best to have a smart phone. But don't text while driving.
They Live On in My Brain
It's prolly no mistake that "scary"
Rhymes so well with Cemetary
I just passed Portland's own "Lone Fir"
And felt a chill, but I prefer
To dwell on thoughts of those who've died
Who are those cats whose bodies lie
Buried deep inside the clay?
And who if you need DNA
To solve a murder, rape or heist
Must be exhumed and buried twice?
Portland's pioneers and mothers
Businessmen and others, brothers
Sisters, doctors, doughnut fryer
Grocery clerks and Ol' Fred Meyer
Yes on this Halloween......a pity
That all those peeps who built our city
Even though now somewhat scary
Shall not brunch with Fred or Carrie
And shall not share in all the fun
And just how far this town has come
I use it on the Polish, the weinie and the brat
And dogs they sell at Costco, beside the parking lot
I spritz the yellow mustard, and pack the bun with kraut
But I don't start to wheel my cart and leave the store without
THE RELISH! Whom some have said has started its descent
I said THE RELISH shan't be a forgotten condiment!
Not on my watch, no sirree, Bob, or Steve or Gladys
No we're not talkin' lutefisk, radicchio or haggis!
I hold that dog right below the Costco crank contraption
And extrude upon that kosher tube a line of relish action!
Forgotten condiment??!! Pshaw!! Don't even get me started!
So flavorful and crunchy! Spicy sweet and tarted!
And though I'll say I love the sweet, some folks prefer the dilly
THE RELISH is the topper! To leave it off's jus' silly!
So restaurants! Ball parks! Food cart lots, and other types of venues!
Don't do something crazy like eliminate from menus......
THE RELISH! Have you lost your mind? We relish folks resent...
That you you might call... The best of all!...
Your Hallmark Card from Heaven Just Arrived in Me
Mothers Day 2015
I know how much you love me
I know how hard you tried
To keep a smile upon my face
To be my friend and guide
Protecting me from peril
And other kinds of help
You lifted me when I was down
And made me love myself
I didn't try to die on you
But I was very sick
I lasted for a lifetime though
And through the thin and thick
You helped me see the brighter side
And educated me
You helped me to achieve my goals
Be all that I could be!
You always thought it special
How I never did complain
Why would I with a mom like you
To love and entertain!
We laughed together! Found the joy!
In sunshine and in rain!
My life was great! You made it so!
Thanks Mom! I love you!
My Status About Our Dog
Sometimes I think about demise
But being 63 and wise
I won't care much when things go black
Cuz when you die, you don't know jack
But those who stay to carry on
Without your sonnets, since you've gone
That's who suffers, lovers, friends
And even your Mercedes Benz
Left to loved ones, young and old
Will eventually be sold
I've got one dog who stays with me
Ten years old and worry free
But since her diagnosis came
Things 'round here aren't quite the same
So here's a prayer for that good dog
Named in song, poem and blog...
Now I lay me down to sleep
By the dog I wish to keep
But if she dies before I wake
I pray the Lord will serve her steak
The Godforsaken Barbecue Area
I'm drinking wine.... I like that part!
Out here beside the roller cart
And pots and fertilizer row
Our garden stuff, that needs to go
Whilst those whose lives do matter most
Speak tomes inside, from coast to coast
But I, whose smokey barbecue
May tweak the sinuses or spew
Some toxic fumes into the rooms
Sit solemnly, and turn the schrooms
Ah lamb, ah marinaded steak
Ah salmon, trout from Diamond lake
You sear, while on the barbecue
And I, beside the dead bamboo
Grill meats and vegetables sublime
Perhaps they'll share the deck sometime
Father Time Laughs Last
The yard, you say, is parched and brown
"Come, bring that hose and sprinkler down-
Bring the wand that sprinkles plenty
The one one holds, with settings many"
"Aye-aye, dear wife, I'll lug the hose
So you may nourish Austin rose
And basil, see, it too needs drink
And even succulents, I think"
"Thanks dear, now sit and drink your Coke
And I shall now commence to soak
The Daphne, Snaps, Crocosmia
Banana, beans and Stevia
And you shall not be asked to spray
A single plant, of ours today
For I have seen you, through the glass
Use "JET!" you brute, have you no class?!
We never spray the plants with settings,
Full, or Hard, and NEVER Jettings
These plants want soaker, spray and mist
Their leaves and branches, softly kissed
"But, honey, I am sensitive!
I know the plants, how much to give!
Some say my thumb is green, not tan
And I can garden, for a man!
So let me use the setting "JET"
I shant disturb the plants or get
A big hole going, showing roots
But JET can reach the bamboo shoots
The vines and trees shall all be wet
As I spray upward from the deck
a gentle rain falls soft and free
The gentleman, with sprinkler, ME!