All About the Icing

Ric Seaberg

June's the time I get to cheer!

My own fine Birthday Month is here.

My kids bring gifts-we make cool food-I sit and cherish all my brood.

My friends stop by and leave a wish-I serve'm up some stunning dish....

Like strudel with chicken, cheddar, spices...

We drink and share our favourite vices.

Then, when we've had all we can take...

We sing a tune and cut the cake.

The texture's fine, the icing: GREAT!

I grab a piece 'fore it's too late.

I gloat at my dear friends cake-tripping..

Their flying forks and fingertipping.

Yes, I've tried 'em all, New York, in Spain...

In San Francisco, Paris, Drain.

But when I want the best--no fakery...

I buy one at my own dang bakery.

Kudos to Step-Dad From Real- Dad

Ric Seaberg


When we first met I must admit I raised one eyebrow high.

My ex-wife's beau….My heart said NO!

You cannot like this guy!

Then as I watched you drive away

With wife, and my kids, Dad-

I'll cop to my perception that you must be someone bad

Now time has passed and you're still there

My children grown before you.

And I give thanks, for I have seen Them love you and adore you.

For in Life's Broadest Picture, you've been my ally, friend.

You've done my parenting for me

When I could not attend.

Now motherhood's the Greatest Task

A woman can perform-

And if we lovers make good Dads we help them brave the storm.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart-- you've my esteem!

You've given of yourself-a crucial member of the team!

You've stood your ground on issues

In the absence of my spirit.

You subbed for me, and listened when you did not want to hear it.

So, Step-Dad, Real-Dad Kudos!

Proud men salute you, dude!

Good Kharma lives in guys like you - In me, deep gratitude.


With special thanks and appreciation to Ken Gallagher


Ric Seaberg

I was not ready for you to die like that.

I have always known that you were fragile, and might be short lived. 

That I might outlive you.

But I was not ready for you to die like that.

You. You with your everyday happy.

Your everyday smile. Your giggle.

Your teasin' right back in my face. Your fucking opinions about sports not jibing with mine.

I took you to your doctors and after drinking our hot drinks in the lobby, 

carried your paper appointment reports to the van.

They piled up on the passenger seat. I knew you were fragile.

But I was not ready for you to die like that.


Ric Seaberg

September 2014


I nearly croaked in double aught

The farm for sale, and almost bought!

And all those years I rose at 3...

Irrelevant...but wait, you see…

I drove myself (it was much quicker)

And in ER they fixed my ticker


Tonight I scooped up foil wrappers

Off the carpet, since the yappers

Found them scrunched upon the table

And pulled them down because they're able

The fragrant chocolate residue

Is something that they must review


And crawling round upon my knees

I heard myself say "Honey please!

Feel free to fix your chocolate jones

But give these wrappers better homes"


Which led me to begin to think

About those treats like cocktail drinks,

Doughnuts, pastries, cakes and pies,

Naughty foods like shakes and fries

And I would say with all my heart

We must allow the mousse and tart

Cream puff, Danish, rich ganache

To be the foods we sometimes nosh!


Moderation, yes!, for sure

But never let your diet blur

Some pure enjoyment of these sweets

For one day, when your life completes

You may just want to look back then

And gratefully remember when

You went ahead and broke some laws

And chowed that quart of Haagen Dazs!

My Dog's So Zen

Ric Seaberg

My dog's so zen, the moment's king

She lives this sec and does her thing

I've watched her all her life, and wow

That's how I've learned to be here now


Ric Seaberg


I think that I shall never slam

Another ounce of tryptophan

Before the meal I felt quite placid

Balanced in amino acid

But then that wing, potatoes, thigh

And I've become o'er stuffed so I

Shall skip dessert, that's the plan...

I'm up to here in tryptophan

Universal Truths


Ric Seaberg


1. It is best to be kind to everyone. You might sometimes find yourself caring more about yourself than others. Try to resist that. Give more. Especially to the infirm or disabled.


2. Work hard and get a lot of shit done. It'll give you confidence and set an example. And all that shit'll be done.


3. It is not wise to jump bones on your friend's wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend. You'll make someone you care about feel terrible and lose faith.


4. It is a really good idea to plant trees. So if you have room, plant some. But make wise variety choices. Like don't plant an apple tree in your parking strip.


5. Drive safely. You wouldn't want to kill someone who doesn't deserve to die. Like don't drive when it's icy, and NEVER follow too close.


6. If you are a carnivore, it is best to be thankful for the meats you eat and support efforts for ethical treatment of animals that we eat. Show some respect for the gift of meat.


7. When you borrow money, a tool, something, return it ASAP. It is fine to borrow. It is not fine to not return what you borrow.


8. If you are charged with taking your wife's laundry to the cleaners, don't take it to Goodwill by mistake.


9. Everyone should know how to make a decent Pizza from scratch.


10. Play sports and encourage children to play sports. Sports teaches so much about getting along with others and coping with disappointment.


11. It is best to not gossip, and to not be unfairly critical of others. Like never say, "you drink too much coke that's why you're fat". People can figure that stuff out on their own.


12. It is best to have a smart phone. But don't text while driving.

They Live On in My Brain

Ric Seaberg


It's prolly no mistake that "scary"

Rhymes so well with Cemetary

I just passed Portland's own "Lone Fir"

And felt a chill, but I prefer

To dwell on thoughts of those who've died

Who are those cats whose bodies lie

Buried deep inside the clay?

And who if you need DNA

To solve a murder, rape or heist

Must be exhumed and buried twice?


Portland's pioneers and mothers

Businessmen and others, brothers

Sisters, doctors, doughnut fryer

Grocery clerks and Ol' Fred Meyer


Yes on this Halloween......a pity

That all those peeps who built our city

Even though now somewhat scary

Shall not brunch with Fred or Carrie

And shall not share in all the fun

And just how far this town has come

Forgotten Condiment

Ric Seaberg


I use it on the Polish, the weinie and the brat

And dogs they sell at Costco, beside the parking lot

I spritz the yellow mustard, and pack the bun with kraut

But I don't start to wheel my cart and leave the store without

THE RELISH! Whom some have said has started its descent

I said THE RELISH shan't be a forgotten condiment!


Not on my watch, no sirree, Bob, or Steve or Gladys

No we're not talkin' lutefisk, radicchio or haggis!

I hold that dog right below the Costco crank contraption

And extrude upon that kosher tube a line of relish action!


Forgotten condiment??!! Pshaw!! Don't even get me started!

So flavorful and crunchy! Spicy sweet and tarted!

And though I'll say I love the sweet, some folks prefer the dilly

THE RELISH is the topper! To leave it off's jus' silly!


So restaurants! Ball parks! Food cart lots, and other types of venues!

Don't do something crazy like eliminate from menus......

THE RELISH! Have you lost your mind? We relish folks resent...

That you you might call... The best of all!...

Forgotten Condiment!

Your Hallmark Card from Heaven Just Arrived in Me

Mothers Day 2015

Ric Seaberg


I know how much you love me

I know how hard you tried

To keep a smile upon my face

To be my friend and guide

Protecting me from peril

And other kinds of help

You lifted me when I was down

And made me love myself

I didn't try to die on you

But I was very sick

I lasted for a lifetime though

And through the thin and thick

You helped me see the brighter side

And educated me

You helped me to achieve my goals

Be all that I could be!

You always thought it special

How I never did complain

Why would I with a mom like you

To love and entertain!

We laughed together! Found the joy!

In sunshine and in rain!

My life was great! You made it so!

Thanks Mom! I love you!



My Status About Our Dog

Ric Seaberg


Sometimes I think about demise

But being 63 and wise

I won't care much when things go black

Cuz when you die, you don't know jack


But those who stay to carry on

Without your sonnets, since you've gone

That's who suffers, lovers, friends

And even your Mercedes Benz

Left to loved ones, young and old

Will eventually be sold


I've got one dog who stays with me

Ten years old and worry free

But since her diagnosis came

Things 'round here aren't quite the same

So here's a prayer for that good dog

Named in song, poem and blog...


Now I lay me down to sleep

By the dog I wish to keep

But if she dies before I wake

I pray the Lord will serve her steak



The Godforsaken Barbecue Area

Ric Seaberg


I'm drinking wine.... I like that part!

Out here beside the roller cart

And pots and fertilizer row

Our garden stuff, that needs to go

Whilst those whose lives do matter most

Speak tomes inside, from coast to coast

But I, whose smokey barbecue

May tweak the sinuses or spew

Some toxic fumes into the rooms

Sit solemnly, and turn the schrooms

Ah lamb, ah marinaded steak

Ah salmon, trout from Diamond lake    

You sear, while on the barbecue

And I, beside the dead bamboo

Grill meats and vegetables sublime

Perhaps they'll share the deck sometime

Father Time Laughs Last

Ric Seaberg

I take some pills
And take my naps
At times I think I
May collapse
While young men work
Beyond the clock
I may have lost
My train of thought
You'll be up here!
Just blink your eye
Those days are years
In short supply
One day too soon
The present's past
And Father Time
is laughing last



Ric Seaberg

The yard, you say, is parched and brown

"Come, bring that hose and sprinkler down-

Bring the wand that sprinkles plenty

The one one holds, with settings many"

"Aye-aye, dear wife, I'll lug the hose

So you may nourish Austin rose

And basil, see, it too needs drink

And even succulents, I think"

"Thanks dear, now sit and drink your Coke

And I shall now commence to soak

The Daphne, Snaps, Crocosmia

Banana, beans and Stevia

And you shall not be asked to spray

A single plant, of ours today

For I have seen you, through the glass

Use "JET!" you brute, have you no class?!

We never spray the plants with settings, 

Full, or Hard, and NEVER Jettings

These plants want soaker, spray and mist

Their leaves and branches, softly kissed

"But, honey, I am sensitive!

I know the plants, how much to give!

Some say my thumb is green, not tan

And I can garden, for a man!

So let me use the setting "JET"

I shant disturb the plants or get

A big hole going, showing roots

But JET can reach the bamboo shoots

The vines and trees shall all be wet

As I spray upward from the deck

a gentle rain falls soft and free

The gentleman, with sprinkler, ME!